THE DOUBLE LIFE

Those who live with destructive behaviors and/or habits lead a double life. For the vast majority, the behavior does not appear to have been the result of genetic factors but a learned activity. It began with something small, possibly even harmless, and before long a fixed pattern developed. It became a habit and then a way of life. From this point forward the behavior has become so firmly established to some it appears to be a genetic problem.

For instance; a young boy sees his first pornographic picture. In today's world of the internet and television, this is inevitable. At first it doesn't seem like much but it is certainly on his mind. In a couple of days he goes back to the picture "just to take a second look" and before too long every chance he gets. He hides this from others. As his experience with pornography builds he begins to take extra secure measures to hide his trail. If printed pictures, they are hidden in a safe place somewhere. Over time he wants to see more and more. It becomes such a habit that it becomes a way of life. It is at this point he feels he must lead a double life.

This is a story I have heard from almost every man I've met and sad to say even myself. Left unstopped this childhood habit develops into years of hiding which can have devastating effects on an entire life. Years of this behavior will distort his view of sex. He also carries a heavy load of guilt and fear of discovery.

Anyone who leads a double life becomes a shrewd liar. It begins with the initial predicament and in turn filters into other parts of life. Thoughts of "what a miserable retch I am" are constantly present. Because of these constant feelings which tag on in every aspect of life, there is always this hidden sense of failure.

People with personal problems often use camouflage to divert attention from one's otherwise deviate behavior. It is in this camouflaged life that we see this person, who may not even themselves remember what got them to this point in life. It disgusts me when psychologist, counselors or psychiatrist seek to find some genetic cause of this problem. I have encountered those that have been diagnosed with things as serious as catatonic schizophrenia who through a through examination come back to something as basic as a learned habit from years ago. A failure that blew itself into a full blown sickness!

I encourage everyone to get rid of behaviors and habits that destroy. Look at your life realistically and take steps to once and for all delete these things out of your life. Once identified and dealt with realistically cure is certain and I must say welcomed. If you must hide something that you do or you are not proud of a certain behavior - don't make any more excuses - get rid of it!