THE GOAL OF BREAKING A HABIT IS NOT...

The goal of breaking a habit (or addiction) is not "breaking the habit". The goal must go beyond that. It must be to gain the very thing you get in touch with by performing the unwanted behavior. Surely no one started smoking to be a smoker. Nor did anyone start gambling to gamble. This is true with almost every harmful behavior. The goal was beyond the habit, and in many ways, that goal must have been obtained, or the behavior would have stopped!

Let's use as an example the young boy who wanted to smoke. He did this to be ‘cool' and he believed that by smoking he would achieve his ‘dream'. It was difficult at first, in fact the first few times he smoked, he actually got sick! But the goal was set before him and finally he could light up without a thought. He finally achieved the ‘look' he wanted. Goal met!

In my book "The Biblical Mind", I discuss a divorced woman who began to overeat and gained weight. Her goal was not eating and of course she did not set out to gain those unwanted pounds. The goal was the pleasure and escape she gained by that bowl of ice cream. Goal met!

Certainly no one started out drinking to loose control to alcohol. In fact most who have a problem with alcohol believed in the beginning that they could maintain control. There were other aspirations. Maybe it was to feel a part of the crowd or on a deeper level, the ‘buzz' from the liquor gave them the getaway and blissful feelings they sought. Goal met!

In each case above, the goal was met but there is a problem! Each had serious consequences. What began as a seemingly harmless action twisted into a habit that seems impossible to escape. Smoking, eating and alcohol each took control of their user and created an outcome that is causing more pain and sorrow than originally expected!

Our life is a constant search for ecstasy and pleasure. There is an old saying; "I don't drink, smoke, chew, or go with girls that do". The natural response to this statement was always: "Do you have any fun?" The fact that a person has none of these habits begs the idea what do they do to gain pleasure? The person who tries to stop drinking to become sober, has missed the point and most often will fail in their attempt. Often, this person will actually become sad or depressed and sad people don't desire anything! The outcome of this is without a deep desire of my own I will be ruled by the desires of others. It becomes a viscous circle.

Don't be embarrassed by desire. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy and free. What is wrong is the path that is often chosen to gain that deserved desire. There are better ways to reach that goal.

Life is about hope and future. Ask yourself, "What is the joy set before me?" This question helps you discover why you do something. Identify the goal that is reached by performing the unwanted behavior. In that way, you can better identify a purpose to change.