If you’ve lived long enough you have seen people deciding not to decide. Faced with challenges, or choices these folks confront the same problem repeatedly deciding to decide later. Which leads them to make no changes whatsoever to improve their life plight. And you get to hear about it over, and over, and over again! Love those folks but it makes a sane woman want to scream.I think it’s the female gender that can easily become victims of our indecisive decisions, because we think we can fix things. We’re fixers that look for the best in others and that’s a good thing. We believe if we work hard enough, prod, cajole and stick with it long enough we will get the brand spanking new, fixed and polished version of what we believed was there all along. Sometimes it was there and more often than not it wasn’t.

One of our biggest impossible attempt at fixes comes when our gender is found dating the guy that keeps falling short, not in height, but in character. He’s given that second, tenth, thirty-third, two hundred and twenty-ninth chance. Caught in this cycle you tell your girlfriends you just don’t know what to do. They commiserate with you, acknowledge you’ve tried, sure he has potential, yes, and you’ve given him plenty of opportunity. Then the conversation ends with you picking up the phone listening once again to his sorry promises and silly excuses. You think to yourself I’ll just wait and see maybe he’ll change I can decide this later.

Well sweetie, if you’re one of those not deciding deciders, you’ve just decided! You have decided to keep him in your life, to accept his behavior, to remove yourself from finding someone that is worthy of your confidence and caring. You have made your decision! You have set yourself up for another round of disappointment instead of moving on to a better life, with or without a man in it. Don’t fool yourself into believing you’ve not made a decision, you really have.

Get off that roller coaster and the next time you find yourself in the commiserating, conversations with your friends, decide to decide. That decision can be in many forms, if it’s his first offense you can decide he has three strikes then he’s out, but mean it. If it’s his fifth offense I would suggest you decide to sever that relationship and again mean it! No calls, no random “accidental” meetings, no opening up the door again. You can’t fix this guy he has to fix himself. That has to be independent of you with no other reason than he knows he wants to be a different man. If he does you can decide then if he’s worth a second look.

The good news about becoming a person that decides to decide is you don’t waste entire years on someone that will never be what you need. Which means you can fast track making your life better and finding that someone who is what you need. If you’re the friend on the other end of the phone line help that sweet female realize there is something better on the other end of this decision, she can make it and will be happy she did.

Darlene Brock, the author of Help Wanted: Moms Raising Daughters (OakTara/The Grit and Grace Project, 2011) is a motivated self-starter who, while raising her two daughters, found time to produce award-winning music videos, manage recording artists, promote concerts throughout the US, and serve as the Chief Operating Officer of ForeFront Records. Yet, when reviewing her varied accomplishments and successful career, she proclaims her most important and fulfilling job is Mom. For more about The Grit and Grace Project, OakTara and Facebook.com/The Grit and Grace Project.