The Book Stop Blog is featuring excerpts from A New Life: Delivered From Lesbianism by Linda D. Carter.
My new friend and I soon became lovers. Any time you saw her, you also saw me. We were always together. I was age 18 and she was 20. We both lived at home with our respective parents at the time, but every opportunity we got, we spent it together. On weekends you could always find us at the gay bar. There, we began meeting new people and receiving invitations to various kinds of parties. We were also told about a gay bar in Pensacola and would hang out there as well.
As the months went on, she and I got to the point where we wanted to see each other more and more. Her family overheard us talking on the phone one night and what a disaster that was. Soon after, she found an apartment and moved out of her parents home. She gave me a key to her apartment so that I could come over whenever I could. Eventually, I started spending the night with her. We would go grocery shopping together, just like boyfriend and girlfriend. We did practically everything together. We gave parties and invited other couples over, male and female, to party and live what was such a fake life.
In my mind, she was everything I wanted in a man. She was very attentive to me. She even gave me my first birthday party, a huge one, and she paid for everything. We'd go to movies, dinner, cookouts and other functions. In time, I introduced her to my family, but we went out of the way to conceal the nature of our relationship. I did not want my family to suspect anything. I was so afraid that they were gong to find out, and tried as hard as I could to camouflage any outward show of feelings I had for her.
Later on in our relationship things began to sour.
We would argue and fight on a regular basis, and then make up. One constant problem, however, was that she wanted to venture out, and I was totally against it. Also, by this time, our reputations had been tarnished. It didn't matter by that point, as I was so caught up with this woman, that I could not imagine being without her. As she began to pull away from me, I became very violent and started drinking alcohol even more heavily.
One beautiful Sunday afternoon, I went over to her apartment, because I had a feeling she was up to something. I knocked on the door but there was no answer. I heard the music playing inside and saw her car in the parking lot, so I knew she was inside. This really sent me over the edge, so I started kicking the door. Finally, after about thirty minutes of this foolishness, she opened the door and there stood a tall gentleman beside her. I lost all composure and went into a fury.
I began telling this man about my relationship with her and it got really ugly. She and I started fighting and cursing one another out. Eventually, our fighting subsided and I left, extremely hurt and disappointed. Satan really had me going though. I kept trying to get back with her. After a while, the man I'd confronted her with was no longer in the picture and she'd sought to find herself another woman. Because of my possessiveness however, I could not let that happen. She and I fought in public and behind closed doors. Our relationship was such a spectacle that everyone was talking about it. I was so far-gone mentally that I just didn't care anymore. I was convinced that what I had was love.
To Continue Reading:
Next article in the series
To start at the beginning of the series
Used by permission. All rights to this material are reserved. Material is not to be reproduced, scanned, copied, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without written permission from Linda D. Carter.