The Book Stop Blog is featuring excerpts from A New Life: Delivered From Lesbianism by Linda D. Carter.
One Thursday evening, mom completely stopped talking, and by Friday had begun slipping away. Very rapidly, she went from just a cessation of speech, to no longer eating. Even worse, her health took this turn for the worse on my deceased brother's birthday. I had to accept the difficult truth that God has for us all, a set time for departure.
Around midnight on Friday, a few of us left the hospital and went home. One of my sisters and some other family members stayed behind with my mother. Around 2:30 in the morning, my sister called and told us to come back to the hospital. Our mother was gone. I was so numb all over. We knew things were heading in that direction, but had remained hopeful and prayerful until the very end, that things would somehow turn around.
When we arrived back at ICU, my brother, my son, and myself went over to the bed and touched my mother's hand and kissed her, hoping that it was all a dream. Some of my family was standing and some were sitting. Some wept softly. For some odd reason, I could not cry.
As i was standing over the bed, I heard a voice that I had never heard before say to me, "either you stop what you are doing or keep on down that road you are on." I looked around in total amazement, partly because what I heard had come out of nowhere, and partly because of the circumstances under which it happened. I left the room, and went and sat at a desk, contemplating my life and taking in all of what had just happened. I was quite bewildered because I could not understand how what I was doing with my life, had any revelance to my mother's passing. And the voice I'd heard was like no other I'd ever heard before.
Over the next few days we all had to prepare for my mother's homegoing celebration. We were all still walking around still somewhat in a daze, but managed to get everything in order for her service, which happened to fall on Good Friday. What a marvelous celebration it was.
A few months before my mother passed, I had ended what came to be my last relationship with a female, ever. Now what was I to do? My mother was gone and Satan was whispering in my ear that I wasn't going to make it. He told me, that I was going to become an alcoholic and eventually give up on life.
During this grieving period, someone from my church called me and said they were expecting me to have a nervous breakdown. Of course, that never happened. God actually gave me a breakthrough. Eventually I went back to work and finished out the school year (I worked in the school system). It was so hard, because I was used to talking to my mother at least 3 or 4 times a day.
One day at work, I picked up the telephone to call my mother so I could make her laugh. It dawned on me as the telephone was ringing, that my mother was no longer here. The reality of it crushed me and I think that was one of the first times that it really hit me that she was no longer alive. My other family members also had to make adjustments after our mother passed. Our children would walk to our mother's house after school and stay there until we got off work.
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