The Book Stop Blog is featuring excerpts from A New Life: Delivered From Lesbianism by Linda D. Carter.
Chapter 6: My Journey To Freedom
As I sought to get my life right with the Lord, I still carried a heavy void within. Something was missing, and that something was my completely surrending my life to God. I remember one Friday evening, a former acquaintance of mine was deejaying at a straight club during happy hour and he invited me to come out. I agreed to come, but deep within, kept hearing a voice saying, "no you can't go." I overrode the voice and my own discomfort, however, and told myself that I'd just go for a little while.
On my way to the club, I could still hear the voice within saying, "don't GO!" Boy was I really struggling. I entered the club, and made my way over to my friend who was deejaying. We greeted one another and he asked me what I was drinking. I told him that I really did not want a drink, but got one anyway. When I sat at the bar and sipped on my drink, I noticed that it didn't taste right, so I told the waitress and she got me another. That one didn't taste right either.
By this time, a young lady had come and sat next to me at the bar. We both introduced ourselves and began to small talk. She ordered her drink and she and I casually coversed for a while. As the evening progressed, she asked me to follow her to someone's house. At first I declined, but she kept on asking and eventually convinced me to come along.
We arrived at a beautiful house and went in. No one was there. I asked her, if I could use the phone to call my sister and check on my son. Afterwards, I went into the den and we both sat down on the sofa. She lit up a joint. The closer the joint got to me, the louder the voice inside of me got. Don't do it. Don't do it. Again, I ignored the voice inside. I took a couple of pulls off the joint but then quickly told her that I had to leave. When she asked me why, I told her that I had to get out of there and that's exactly what I did.
I got to my car and I felt so bad. Of course I was also high. As I was driving home, it felt like I was driving on water. That night was such a difficult drive home. I passed by a few police cars, praying that they would not pull me over. It seemed like it took forever for me to get home.
The next morning, I woke up with a terrible hangover. I laid there in bed, trying to once again figure out how I'd gotten home. I also wondered if I'd hit anybody on the way, or if I'd even locked the front door to my house. I'm so tired of this, I said to myself. For years, I had gone out drinking and not been able to remember what happened the night before. I could only remember bits and pieces.
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