Daily Affirmations
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Veronica Philips

I am a wife, mother, small business owner, annoyer of all things hubby, and occasionally I write. This is me, my life, my all. You get to see all my epic failures as I navigate my way to fame, though

Posted 3/25/16 at 12:22 PM | Veronica Philips

Strangers On A Plane

It had been 12yrs in the making, so with a smile, he finally agreed to his son's request to take him to work with him. Being an Engineer means getting up at 4am; which is no easy task for a 12yr old, but he did it like a Champ. As they ordered his 1st Right of Passage, and made their way to the station, he realized that it may just be fun, to have his son spend the day with him. 6am is shift change, so he asked his son to go sit down, while he reviewed the notes from the night before. "Can I go outside Dad and look at the river?". "Sure, but stay close. Train will be by soon". He answered. It wasn't until 1st warning signal that he remembered his son was still outside....it wasn't until the final approach....that he realized where he was....Strangers on a train....sometimes what we don't know...is heartbreaking.

As his son struggled helplessly on the tracks, the father knew that if he didn't pull the lever, 200+ people, strangers on a train, were going to perish. If he did pull the lever, his son, his only begotten son; with whom he was so well pleased, was going to die. His son had done nothing wrong, the passengers never realized they were in need of saving....He, the Engineer, held the balance of life and death in his hand.....Sigh....As the train made it's way over the bridge, he had to turn his face....they would NEVER KNOW, COULD NEVER know.....the sacrifice that had been made to save their life that day....or would they? FULL POST

Posted 2/6/16 at 2:27 PM | Veronica Philips

Duchess The Menace

Back Link: Princess, the first baby, was all natural, but after her birth, I developed complications with my Fallopian Tubes. Hence, both Sweetness and Duchess are IVF babies with very different journey's.

Riddle me this, how does an innocent, perfect, 3yr old angel, smuggle a bottle of hand lotion into her crib, without her parents seeing it, at bed time? Wait, there's more! How then, does she have the presence of mind to form INTENT, and wait until her parents are settled (I was not asleep, but Merrill was, just saying) then pull out said bottle of hand lotion, and commence to spreading it all over the crib, her body, her hair, her blankets, her pillows, THEN say, “Mommy, I yucky” . Yes baby. Yes you are.

Four years ago, as I lie on my back, in that horribly uncomfortable bed, I turned my head to Merrill sitting in the corner of the room, and with tears forming in the corner of my eyes I simply said to him, “It is what it is” . The road to that bed, in that room, had been a long, painful, emotional journey, but we were done. Well, Merrill was done. I, for whatever reason, was hell bent on self-destruction, at all costs. He wasn't going to watch my journey of destruction anymore. He just wasn't, because as a man he should be able to fix me, protect me, make me stop crying, but alas, he couldn't. He was just as helpless as I was, and he didn't understand why I was so focused on destroying myself. We KNEW that the consequence of FAILURE was going to be the mind numbing, crushing blow to my Spirit. “After this, we're DONE, right?” he asked me on night through tears. ” Yes, Doll, we'll be finished. I promise". When I finally, in defeat conceded to his authority, he agreed to the injections, the hormones, and the mood swings. All that went through my head, as I lie on that bed and looked over to him. The realization of the finality of this situation, had just happened settled in, and I wept, because either way, the search was over. Forever! FULL POST

Posted 1/6/16 at 11:08 AM | Veronica Philips

It Is Done

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My baby, two months before The Seizures
Merrill isn't home this am, so I'm sitting in the living room comfortable. I'm toasty, all snuggled up like a bug in a big comforter rug. I'm CONTENT. As I sit down to read the internet gossip rags, and begin to write my opinions on the daily events (I write for three other sites. Cool right?) the worst thing that could happen today has happened. Lets just say its 5:30am and Duchess is up. Oh, that's bad, real bad. I think it's going to be a long day.
Sigh, it was going to be a long day anyway. Honestly, I get why parenthood is a partnership. When one is dead in spirit, the other can come in, tap out, and pick up where the other left off. Yep, it's been like that since she came into our lives. I wonder which came first. Her spirit, or "The Experiences"? Well, even in my belly we had issues, remember? This little girl has been through some mess, she has The Eye of the Tiger, NO she has Tiger Blood, NO she's WINNING. I do believe It IS gonna help her later! The only EEG I've ever witnessed was the one with Duchess, as she was post dictal. She has no knowledge or memory of her head being scrubbed for the electrodes, the forced state of rest, the blinding 4th and final seizure that nearly took her life from us. ARGH, my mind won't even let me go back to that day. Well today she'll remember, because today, it isn't an emergency. Today IT ENDS! I'm supposed to show up at the hospital with a very sleepy baby, and honestly, had the test been in Danville, I could have done that, but I must drive 30 miles, with a toddler whose been up since 5:30am, and expect her to not to sleep in the car? Heck, you're lucky if I don't fall asleep myself, but I don't complain because today is the day we've waited two years to experience. Lord, I hope this is the beginning of the end.
I'm so excited that I could pee myself. Merrill is driving down from WI so he can be with me. The MVP Tag Team, the Tap Out. It starts when I see his face, it ends when the test is over. We started this ride together, we finish together. We are Bad Boys for life (giggle). Pray for the EEG, pray for her, pray for us. Let me take a moment to thank someone very special to me. Thank you Father for seeing us through this because even when I was down and out, you stood firm, and let me keep my baby girl. I will praise your name forever. We're almost done. Be Blessed. Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Wednesday.

Posted 12/8/15 at 9:32 AM | Veronica Philips

Some Willy Wonka Mess

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Just Another Day
It would appear that Merrill has Pharyngitis and Duchess has it's unwelcomed friend "The Cough". When the two get together, they make the music of the, "Long Night Lullaby". Mmm, I love that song!
If I seem a little touchy (you think?) it's because we're back to the good ole days of FINALS. The very fact that I let a series of test control my happiness says to me that I really, really care and I do. Not only do I need the grade to become Valedictorian (so that I can give the commencement speech in which I tell all DACC Admin to pound sand....can't wait), but also, for just a brief second in time and space, I held the elusive "A" of Math, in my hand. I caressed it, I held it, I loved it...and now I could lose it. My pride, will not allow me to eat pate and go back to bologna. I don't discount the reward of a "B", I've maintained several "B's" myself, but this one is different. It was MATH, and by golly, somehow, someway, I earned an "A". It's like being on the very vertex (-b/ac) of Utopia, looking out over creation and singing! It's like having Chocolate Milk time, when the kids are not home. Can you hear me now?
Duchess just awakened from a night of coughing, and it's time for Sweetness to arise. What's so very ironic, is that I have to get up earlier and earlier to have a few minutes alone. Pretty soon, I'll be up so early that the extra time could be used to take another class (I have 12 credit hours next semester- No Thank You). My point friends, is simply this, I've reach out and touched the face of perfection, and I achieved this amazing feat over the objections of my "self" who never even gave my "self" the credit to think that an "A" was possible for my "self". I've accomplished so much in my life and I swear to all things Good and Holy, if I can do it, there is so much promise in YOU. Believe in yourself, and amazing things, like an "A" in Advanced Mathematical Applications will happen. Giggle, that's some Willy Wonka mess right there, but it's true. Be Blessed. Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Tuesday.

Posted 11/27/15 at 8:22 AM | Veronica Philips

Can I Say It Now?

My Joys
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This is My Most Wonderful Time of The Year
Can I say it now? Can I now officially regress to that little girl, whom has a love for all things Milk of Human Kindness....The girl, who decorated the little white tree with red soft lights, and copper ornaments? Can I be the lass, who stood in the doorway, while my namesake was still struggling to awaken itself, and gaze upon the wonders of all the brightly colored packages? Grandma struggling to make her coffee and eagerly anticipating, HERSELF, the opening of the gifts. The very girl who received an Atari 2600 console, hidden behind the television floor console, with the rabbit ears and knobs that only pliers could change......the Ozarkian girl...... CAN I SAY IT NOW?
I don't care. Merry Christmas. Come all ye who are still young at heart and play in my Holiday Wonderland. Come all ye who giggle with giddy elation as the trees go up in Kmart in November. Come all ye, whom look at a blightful soul and offer a blessing for their Daily Bread. Come out, come out, where ever you are, and join me in what is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. I've patiently waited through the Naysayers, I've endured the Bah Humbugs of the Thanksgiving Season, I've read, watched, IGNORED the posts begging we don't shop on the Day of Thanks.....I've done all that out of RESPECT, and NOW I can be has Joyfully Obnoxious as I want.....Frankly, I don't care if you say Happy Holiday's, Merry Christmas, or Go Away, because this isn't about YOU...it's about me...and my RELATIONSHIP with a baby, a manger, a family, and a God....you work out your mess....leave mine alone.

Love it or hate it, Christmas is no apathetic season. It's running in the snow covered streets, getting a second chance at life while realizing what's important....well...that DOES kinda sound like, "It's a Wonderful Life", but it IS a Wonderful Life....Tony Bennett said best, It IS the Freaking Most Wonderful Time of the Year, and by GOLLY I waited......I WAITED to say it, so go pound sand if you don't like it......Merry Christmas Friends. May the Joy, Peace, Magic and Promise of the Season......greet you and yours today and every day we celebrate the birth, the beautiful immaculate birth....in a manger. The first friend that mentions that Jesus was born in the Spring gets to stepping....because I will not....tolerate any harshing of my mellow this season. This is my horse, I'm riding this stud, go troll someone else. Can I say it NOW? Merry Christmas friends.....it's time...to get my Joy On. Be Blessed. Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, Merry Christmas....enjoy your Friday.

Posted 11/22/15 at 4:27 PM | Veronica Philips

The Good Ole Days Weren't Always Good

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Hindsight is NOT 20/20

The view from the window this morning is beautiful and if I didn't know better, I'd swear I could just go right out there and Frolic in the Winter Wonderland. Frolic is not a word synonymous with Winter is it? Frolicking it's the ideal that I belong on a beach somewhere, drinking a virgin pina colada, in a bikini with Merrill, not talking. I think back to last Summer, and remember the sand, the sunrise, the majesty of both vacations. The crystal blue sea of Destin Beach, the storms as they rolled inward from The Gulf to land, the boardwalk, the jogs down the strip. I also remember Daytona, the Spiritual rise of the pre-dawn sun, the introverts strolling down the beach, understanding for just a moment what it must have been like for Adam to walk hand-in-hand with God. Even as I think about both vacations it brings tears to my eyes. Sigh, the Good Ole Days Weren't Always Good. FULL POST

Posted 11/13/15 at 7:59 AM | Veronica Philips

Grace for Grace?

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Sometimes You're the Princess, Sometimes You're the Rodent.
Sigh. I have a dilemma. There is a temporarily housed mouse on my kitchen floor. It's not everyday you get to start the weekend off with saving the life of a mouse at 5:30am, but that is exactly what is sitting on my kitchen floor, underneath the protective dome of a white colandar, whilst the cat (Felix) makes desperate haste to handle business. I wish Merrill were here, he'd know what to do, for you see I just rescued a mouse and I have no idea what to do about it. In the meantime....
I live in an old farm house and it's that time of year. We are going to get the mice, spiders, mice and spiders. Mice are responsible for the plague, you know that wretched funk that killed millions and millions of people not once but twice. The plague was so feared that to just whisper "plague" would get you killed. Mice are nasty, rotten, low life little buggers who, in my opinion, have no real valid worth on earth, and yet here they are, stinking up my country property. I can't fathom one reason, not one, why I shouldn't just Rewease Byan (Monty Python Reference) and let the cat have at him. After all, I'd be doing the world a favor.

The irony here is I get to be Cinderella tonight at the Ball....and Cinderella valued life. She had too...she had a horrible one. I suppose to whom much is forgiven, much should be forgiven...Grace for Grace? Having spent some years trying to throw mine away, I feel a certain need to rescue as many as I can....in my quest for Mercy. I know that there are hunters and preys, I know that the culling of populations are necessary, I get that some deserve death, but just ask the spiders who get bus fare every time they're caught in the house if they're grateful! I once had a spider right where I wanted him....underneath my size 7 shoe, and as I came down upon his last breath, I hesitated, grabbed a broom and shoo'd him away. It was a BIG BROOM. I'm not a tree hugger. I've been that mouse, trapped underneath the colandar, sometimes by my own admission, sometimes by others, but always with a cat right outside begging to be let in. Sigh.....I have to go do something with him right now.....do I save him...rescue him from the jaws of Felix only to have him come back in, or do I let what's natural take it's course and pray it's a quick death? I've prayed for death....it isn't always a friend. Well.....in this one small scenario, I get to be God....WWJD? Well, this mouse better be damned grateful....that's all I can say....Be Blessed. Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, enjoy your Friday....Merrill.....?

Posted 11/11/15 at 1:00 PM | Veronica Philips

Thank You

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He's a Vet. i know how to thank him.

I’ve grown up around Vets all my life. The man who would donate the sperm that led to my creation was a vet, and the father of my babies, all three of them, was a vet. I’ve “known” a few in between, just saying. VETS are my only way of life, so my verbiage isn’t going to be the same as those who’ve never been around an Army base…I’ve loved, kissed, drank and mated with Vets…so Ima keep it real folks, and if I offend you, well that’s just my way of thanking a Vet.

From the fresh-faced little boys, (the Baby GI’s as I call them at Ft. Wood), to the hardened battle scarred (Tops at Benning) Vet, I thank thee. If we were back in Prim, the old stomping grounds for many of the ones I KNOW today, I’d buy you a beer at the Zum Heirch, or the HardRock Cafe…maybe the Round up. If I were 17 again, and had no idea just how Effed Up the real world was with wars, rumors of wars, the battles that take place in the damaged mind, …I would hug you, maybe kiss you, and tell you God’s Speed, to be Safe. For in that day and that hour, we had no idea that the 1st Persian Gulf war was upon us did we? I really didn’t understand “yet”, that the idiots 1000 miles away were the real bad guys…..but we’ll discuss that another day. FULL POST

Posted 11/10/15 at 8:42 AM | Veronica Philips

All Good Things

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I wasn't very good at it in High School

I took an online math test last night while the Bears were playing in their Monday Night Splendor and the kiddo's were destroying the place. Sitting on the couch, I began what would become the longest experience of my life. I've had three babies via C-section, I've had an emergency appendectomy, 4 wisdom teeth crunched, broken and pulled out of my head, sans anesthesia with stitches, I have a herniated disc on my L4, AND never EVER have I experienced a more painful process than last nights test....but that's because it was the wrong test. We haven't discussed any of that mess in class....I got a B.....

We are our own worst enemies. The Self-fulling Prophecy mandates that we become what we think ourselves to be. If you believe yourself to be stupid, you will be stupid. The only ugly beings are the ones who've convinced themselves they're ugly. Why on earth would anyone look up to someone who doesn't look up to herself? Yes, I am being hard and judgmental because for the longest time, I was that person. I had truly convinced myself that in all things math, (and earlier Science) I was going to fail....but the strangest thing happened, I actually understood it, and now I carry an "A" in Algebraic Applications. The biggest failure we experience as the individual is we don't accept that maybe we just aren't ready for certain experiences. From SEX to Math and Addictions to Exercise, all things happen (just like God) when the individual is ready to experience THE EXPERIENCE. What we cannot do is judge ourselves too harshly, we simply may not be ready....and that's okay. FULL POST

Posted 11/5/15 at 8:22 AM | Veronica Philips

We DID Start The Fire

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Ah 17. I had the whole world ahead of me....
At The Kiddie Pool yesterday, A little brother call me an NCIS Den Mother. At the start of the semester our teacher split us up into groups and we were to chose a team name. I asked, "What do you guys watch most?" because if we went with my shows, the names choices would be Pokemon or Dora. Team NCIS was born (never watch it). We are a relatively close group of people, with me, of course, being the oldest. We help each other, and leave no man behind. Den Mother? Well, I am a mommy after all, but it doesn't make me a Mrs. Garrett. Sigh...I was a Little Sister Once.

The Facts of Our Life in the 80's saw the birth of Alf, Madonna, Radio Raheem, and Salt N Peppa. We are the only ones who know what Mtv was like as Mtv. Valley Girl was a best selling book, Fast Times at Ridgmont High glorified some disgusting things, and we saw the death of The Last American Virgin. To us, Arnold was just an actor, albeit a bad one. I'll be Back, Totally, Gag Me With a Spoon, Dude, Awesome, and my personal favorite, "That was FRESH" was the popular pop culture vernacular. Our Will Smith, was Fresh and he DID NOT fight aliens, he fought Uncle Phil. I see with some amusement that the High Top Converse I wore in HS are back in style, and lemme grab back out my 80's "destroyed" (that's today's code for holey jeans) made famous by the aforementioned female rap group. We Were The World, We discovered Fame, Our Duke Boys were not raciest, but FINE AS HELL, We were the thinkers, dreamers, movers and shakers in society, and chances are if you're reading this as a Little Sister, your mother went to school with me (not REALLY. I was a BRAT). Anything you do, say, watch or learn today, we wrote the book on, and are now teaching the class...we know you, because we WERE you....tread lightly. FULL POST

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