Every Child
2/17/15 at 12:52 AM 1 Comments

8 Ways Infertility Changes You

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8 Ways Infertility Changes You Forever -- Before You Parent

 Can good ever come from suffering? It sounds like a cliché, but any believer who has faced life-changing challenges knows that profound insights and newfound wisdom often result from the trials we endure in life. Wendi Kitsteiner shares changes she perceives in herself since she began her infertility journey.

1. You won’t take blessings for granted. You now know that good things don't always happen to good people. You know that "happily ever after" is not guaranteed…and that knowledge will cause you to appreciate miracles in a deeper way. Hearing the news of a baby's birth isn't "par for the course" in your book. It is nothing short of miraculous.

2. Your compassion for others will be greater. When you see someone crying at church or in the grocery store, you'll be less likely to brush it aside. Your heart will remember the times you burst out crying when passing the newborn clothes. Your mind will reflect on the Sunday you had to leave church because the baby dedication was too painful to watch. And those memories will cause you to think of others and acknowledge the sadness that this life can bring.

3. Mother's Day will cause mixed emotions. You will love the hugs and flowers and cards and doting that your children and spouse lavish upon you. But in the mist of those celebrations, you will not be able to avoid reflecting upon all those times in prayer when you begged for your chance. You will not be able to avoid acknowledging that people you know and love are begging, too, and you can't fix it for them.

4. “The baby section” in stores will cause you to remember. No matter how hard you try to block out the years you avoided the baby department, you won't be able to. Every time you walk by the diapers and formula and cute little baby shoes, you will remember and quietly whisper a prayer of thanks that you don't feel that deep sense of longing anymore. But while happy for yourself, you will think of all those you love who are still unable to meander through those aisles.

5. Sins against children will anger you fiercely. How someone can hurt a child will NEVER make sense to anyone. But to a woman who has dealt with infertility, the unfairness of that woman getting to experience childbirth and then abusing that child will linger even longer. How can such women not see the miracle they have been given? And how can they toss their miracles so casually to the side?

6. You will continue silently glancing around to check reactions. When the pastor says something about "being blessed with children" during a wedding...when a room full of women turn the conversation to parenthood for the millionth time...when every event is about and centered around children...you will find yourself wondering who is pained by this. You will glance around to check the faces of women without children to examine their hearts and try to guess where they are in the journey.

7. Your appreciation for your children will run deeper. Women who have not had to struggle for their children can’t feel the way you do. Of course they love their children, but the struggle of infertility truly intensifies the experience of parenting. You are constantly aware of the miracle of life and of the pain of losing it.

8. Your own celebrations will be muted. Try as you might to return to your life before you met infertility, you won’t be able to. You will wish that every birthday party and first day of school and amusement park didn't remind you of what you almost didn't have. You don’t want to think about all of the other women while celebrating at your own baby shower. But you won't be able to help it. And your empathy will make you a better person.

For more information or resources on infertility or pregnancy loss, or to subscribe to the Stepping Stones eNewsletter, visit Bethany.org/steppingstones. If you would like to contribute to this blog or our eNewsletter, please see our Writer’s Guidelines and e-mail step@bethany.org with your submission.

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