Rihanna, Chris Brown--Accepting Abuse?

Should Rihanna get back together with Chris Brown?

Several years ago I volunteered in a Domestic Violence shelter here in Portland, Oregon. I heard about and saw a lot of ugly stuff. Go on line and see Rihanna's face--not an attractive sight and something no woman or girl should accept. The women I saw had their teeth knocked out. Their hair pulled out. Arms broken or burned. Is this how someone who is supposed to love you behaves? Is there any excuse? I don't think so!

A man, or woman, might get mad with their boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse--but there are actions you CAN take that build your relationship rather than battering it into pieces. How about: zipping your lips so you don't let rip with cruel words? Or backing off, even walking away until you cool down? These are all ways to cope when your buttons have been pushed too far--and there are plenty more.

What do you think? What do you do when you're mad? Abuse is never right either verbal, physical or sexual. Have you learned to control yourself?

I once showed a group of junior high girls pictures of teenage hunks and asked, "Would you date this person?" They all yelled out, "Yes!"

"But what do you know about them?" I shot back? Their silence made my point. All they were basing their interest on was the guy's looks--which, admittedly can be very appealing.

A friend watched some younger women being interviewed on television regarding abuse. "Should women accept this?" asked the interviewer.

"If your guy roughs you up or wants to know where you've been or who you've talked to" one of then said, "it just means he loves you and wants you for himself."

It's not only sad, it's dangerous for any woman to believe these myths.

If you're dating--here's what Rihanna and every savvy female needs to know:

Here's five red flags Rihanna and every female needs to check out, before they get too involved--even with Christian men.

• Does he lose his temper frequently or more easily than seems necessary?

• Does he consider himself a failure and needs you to help him--beware your rescuer instinct!

• Did his father physically, verbally or emotionally abuse his mother? Try and meet his family and sense the atmosphere--this is his idea of a normal relationship!

• Does he put down women, think they shouldn't hold certain jobs, make sexist jokes?

• Is he jealous, controlling, and expects you to spend all your free time with him?

These and other red flags signal a big message: instead of finding love and enjoyment, you'll end up hurt or worse.

God loves you and His plans for you are for your good--(Romans 8:28). Remember this when you're tempted to excuse the warning flags flapping right in front of you--protect yourself from physical, emotional and spiritual harm. Be a Savvy--and Safe--Girl!

Poppy Smith