Posted 10/8/15 at 9:26 AM | Christian Post Guest Voices
In the world of social media highlight reels, it’s easy to feel like an uber failure when all you see is the promotion of everyone’s success. Can all these people truly be having that flawless of a life? Nope. Not even close.
I once went to a car show that highlighted some of the last centuries most memorable vehicles. But while many of the automobiles looked like they appeared to be in pristine condition, most reflected their lack of upkeep when taking a look at the engine and interior. Most of didn’t run, lacked a completed engine or had interiors that reflected a car straight out of an apocalypse. They looked perfect from a far, but in reality were actually far from perfect.
Our culture and this car show have more in common than you may think. Get where I’m going with this? We as a society, thanks to our obsession with social media, love to paint the persona of perfection. We tend to portray a life that is without flaw, yet hope our windows are tinted enough so that nobody looks inside at what is really taking place; imperfection. FULL POST
Posted 10/8/15 at 9:21 AM | Christian Post Guest Voices
“Do not be unequally yoked…” 2 Corinthians 6:14 (a reference to Deuteronomy 22:10 where Israel is told not to plow with a team composed of an ox and a donkey).
We all agree that Scripture teaches believers should not marry unbelievers.
But, would it be an unequal yoke for one called into the ministry to be wed to a Christian who resents his calling and resists the demands that this life places on her?
Surely we can agree that not everyone should marry a preacher.
(The obligatory disclaimer: In our denomination, preachers are men. I know some women pastors in other denominations and respect them very much. But I know nothing of the pressures they face. Thus, for me to write for their situation would be highly presumptuous. Please do not write accusing me of sexism or prejudice against women. Thank you.)
When I began this list a few days ago, mostly I intended it as a light-hearted piece since I’m a preacher and love pastors and their families. Any woman who marries a called servant of the Lord should feel special to Him, I’m thinking, and she needs to know what she’s getting into. And then, I decided to ask for help. FULL POST
Posted 10/6/15 at 1:05 PM | Christian Post Guest Voices
One mom wrote this:
A few months ago, my 8 year old son discovered that he could use the floor as friction on himself (so to speak) when he’s lying down on his stomach reading a book. Not knowing what to do and hoping he would stop on his own, I pretended I didn’t notice the first few times and then read some advice which I’ve partly taken already.
I’ve told him a few times not to do this outside of his room. I asked him why he did it. My tone was casual, not condescending. He looked at me blankly, and I asked him if he did it because it felt good and he said yes. I left it at that. I know that the behaviour has not stopped. FULL POST
Posted 10/5/15 at 11:31 AM | Christian Post Guest Voices
That’s the question a reader is going to answer for us for today’s Wifey Wednesdsay!
A reader recently sent me this beautiful email about porn, redemption, and hope. I wanted to share it with you today, because I know so many of you struggle with your husband’s porn use. Tomorrow I’m going to write a wrap up post on how to fight the porn, not fight your husband, but for today, I thought a story may help.
Recently my husband sent me a text and told me that he wanted to share some things that he had been keeping from me for our entire marriage.
As you can imagine, I let my lady brain take over and had all kinds of scenarios going through my head. He sent the text at 9AM and I wouldn’t be home until after 6PM! All day I kept thinking “Am I ready for this? Can I handle what he’s going to tell me?” We will be married 15 years this June and we have been together since we were 15! So what could he possibly tell me that I don’t already know? FULL POST
Posted 10/2/15 at 10:44 AM | Christian Post Guest Voices
Sometimes feeling “okay” is the best you’ve felt in a very long time. Your brokenness entraps you because of unchangeable moments that took place in your past. You’ve yet to let go and find peace amidst the storm of remembrance. You’re hurting. You’re frustrated. You’re in repetitious, unwavering pain. You ask yourself, “Does God even care?”
God does care. He feels our pain, yet sometimes the way he responds to us might not be exactly the way we anticipate. Over the course of my life, I’ll be honest in saying I’ve found myself furious at God on multiple occasions. I’ve yelled at God, cursed at God and even threatened God for not providing what I felt was the best response for my current situation in life.
I’m sure he looked down at me, chuckled a bit and knew that I didn’t really mean what I was saying. I was just upset, and God was patient enough to let me vent to him. He allowed me to use him as a scratching post. He could handle it. That’s the beauty of God; He’s big enough to handle anything I throw at him, but wise enough to not give me everything I ask for. FULL POST
Posted 9/28/15 at 12:44 PM | Christian Post Guest Voices
Every Monday I like to put up a Reader Question and take a stab at answering it. Today I thought we’d do a 3-part series on battling porn in marriage (since that’s the most common problem in the huge backlog of questions I have), starting with this one: how do you re-establish a sexual relationship after pornography?
A reader writes:
My husband has had an addiction to porn for our entire 13 year marriage. He lied, deceived, blamed me, neglected me and I only found out it was porn by accidentally walking in on him one night. That was more than two years ago. Since then he promised many times to seek counseling and support groups but nothing changed. About a month ago I asked him to separate. He refused but he did move out of our bedroom and into my daughter’s room (she’s bunking with her brothers for now). He now sees a counselor weekly but I have not gone with him yet. He asked me last night when he can move back into our room. I don’t know what to tell him. I don’t know what criteria to use or how to know. We haven’t had sex since before my last baby was born and she’s almost 9-months old now. The time we were intimate it was obvious he didn’t want to do it and that he was trying to simulate something he’d seen in porn in order to reach orgasm. It didn’t work. I felt like filth afterwards. How can I answer him when I don’t know what it will take to get comfortable with him back in our bed? FULL POST
Posted 9/21/15 at 11:31 AM | Christian Post Guest Voices
Every Monday I like to take a Reader Question and take a stab at answering it. Here’s one that I think we don’t talk about very much: what do you do if there’s one part of your body that you absolutely HATE being touched during sex? One woman writes:
My husband is obsessed with my breasts and I loathe having them touched 49 times out of 50. If, and it’s a big if, I am super super in the mood I can tolerate them being kissed if it’s brief and there are no hands involved. As soon as they get grabbed/brushed/rubbed/whatever, I at the minimum am set way back on the “in the mood” scale and at worst go absolutely cold and want him to get away from me immediately. For 6 years I’ve been telling him to leave my breasts alone and for 6 years almost daily he has been making grabs at them and more recently telling me I’m withholding.
He’s a wonderful husband, but why can’t I have one thing that I am allowed to say “I’m not comfortable with that”? No reasoning or excuse has made any difference to him in what he feels is his God-given right. Most women ARE turned on by it…but I’m not one of them. On the contrary, it’s a huge turn off. He’s not rough or mean or anything. He’s a wonderful man. I just hate being touched there. (Side note: nursing children felt like a huge amount of self sacrifice for the same reason so it’s not an issue with my husband). He wants me to just get over it. How?! Just tolerate something that I despise just to make him happy? Then what? How can I get in the mood when I want to bolt from the room? I have no issues with being touched elsewhere and he’s always considerate in virtually every other area of our marriage. This one “small” issue has become a big hang up for us and I just don’t know what to do anymore. FULL POST
Posted 9/21/15 at 11:22 AM | Christian Post Guest Voices
The moment I said “I do” was the very moment my life changed forever. It was a moment I will always remember. It was the moment my life officially ended. There’s more to the story…
Marriage is a beautiful thing. It’s filled with excitement, extraordinary love and God-breathed passion that can only be experienced through intentional pursuit and relentless compassion. It’s hands-down one of God’s most alluring creations, faceted with unforgettable moments and timeless learning experiences.
Marriage has forever changed my perspective on life. It has taught me what it means to be selfless, patient and understanding beyond compare. Those rings meant more to me than a marriage license, they meant a lifetime of love, respect and honor. The moment I said “I do” was the moment I no longer ran through life unescorted. My life officially ended, and “ours” officially started. Life wasn’t about me anymore; It was about US. It was a divine experience. It was a breath of God’s rejuvenating Spirit. FULL POST
Posted 9/17/15 at 2:40 PM | Christian Post Guest Voices
“When He has tested me, I will emerge as pure gold” (Job 23:10).
No one volunteers for testing. Not if they know what’s good for them!
However, one day not long ago I prayed this prayer:
“Lord, please let one of the churches where You send me to minister give me an offering so abysmally small that I will have to reaffirm that my trust is in Thee and not in man, not in money, not in things.”
Okay. I don’t ever intend to do that again. (smiley-face here)
Here’s the background…..
First: The Lord is my Source.
“The Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should earn their living by the gospel” (I Corinthians 9:14). The laborer is worthy of his hire, as Scripture says in numerous places.
But the Lord is the Source for all of us who labor in His vineyard.
The finance committee is not our source. The host pastor is not our source. The church is not our source. Not the denomination, not some rich member, and certainly not the federal government (although I have no qualms about accepting my monthly check!). No one but Him. FULL POST
Posted 9/17/15 at 2:35 PM | Christian Post Guest Voices
I have a problem. My problem is that I constantly allow little things to ruin the big picture of life. In fact, I think many of us have this problem if we get really honest with each other.
The little things…
None of these things actually matter. They’re all irrelevant. They’re stupid. And if we’re really honest with one another, none of them deserve the level of negativity in my life that I so graciously give them. It’s all a lie. It’s a facade. Get over it, Jarrid! FULL POST