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7/20/15 at 03:09 PM 1 Comments

Guarding My Marriage, By A Newly Wed

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When I said, “I do,” I knew those two small words carried a very heavy load along with them. I have always known marriage is a commitment, and that commitment is what sustains love, and that marriage is work, and that nothing is perfect. I didn’t enter into my marriage with the naive notion that it was going to be easy, and love required nothing from me to sustain itself.

However, it was not until after I was married that I realized just how hard it is going to be. Now, let me just say that I am a newlywed. I have been married for almost 3 months. For pete’s sake, I haven’t even sent my thank you cards out yet so by no means am I calling myself an expert. I am actually the very opposite of that. That is why I am taking this so seriously. Marriages of supposed veterans and relationship gurus and spiritual leaders have crumbled under their own weight. I am constantly hearing and reading about failed marriages. Just yesterday we heard that Tullian Tchividjian stepped down from his pastorship because he and his wife were both involved in affairs. I mean, he is Billy Graham’s grandson- Billy Graham!- a man took so many well-known precautions and procedures to protect the sanctity and purity of his marriage. {Seriously, look it up!} Tchividjian wrote eight books about Christianity and current issues, and was married for almost fifteen years, and it would be the height of stupidity to think that marital failure could not happen to me. If he can fail at this, so can I.

The only thing you have to do to fail at your marriage is nothing.Satan hates marriage. Get this down. Marriage is a picture of Christ and His bride, the church, and Satan would love to destroy every last lovely shred of it. It is Satan who is behind the sexual revolution- destroying what is sacred about the marriage bed. It is Satan who is behind homosexuality- twisting and perverting natural affections. It is Satan who is behind the push for gay marriage, and transgenderism, and all types of sexual perversions and attacks on marriage. And, if we are naive enough to think he will not try to destroy your marriage and mine, it will lead to destruction.

So what is there for me to do as a newlywed? How can I guard my love and my life? I don’t have all the answers but here is where I will start.

I will desperately seek out men and women who have happy marriages that I can emulate. Hey, if you are happily married, shout it from the roof tops! People need to see that when it is done by God’s rules, marriage works. If you are unhappily married, seek counseling…. now. This is too important, not only to you and your spouse, but for the entire world and the sake of the gospel.

I will learn all that I can in regards to guarding and sustaining my marriage. I will take a proactive approach in defending against problems by foreseeing possibilities and cutting them out immediately. I will read books, and listen to sermons, and learn from older, wiser, married people about what works and what doesn’t. I will learn from people whose marriages have failed about what not to do, and take their examples and tuck them away in my heart as reminders that Satan wants to destroy my marriage.

I will communicate and set up policies and procedures with my spouse before situations arise. Billy Graham had a rule that he would never, ever eat alone in a restaurant or be alone in a room or car with a woman other than his wife. I want my marriage to have rules as well in order to keep us safe from the world. It is not only wise, but necessary to have these plans laid out before situations arise that could compromise your love. There are many things I will say, “No.” to. No man will ever have a private conversation {including emails and texting} with me that my husband will not be privy to, and same goes for my husband. I will never take another man anywhere that is the exclusive domain of my husband. I will never allow another man emotionally into my life, either by me expressing my emotions to him or him expressing his emotions to me. My physical, emotional, and spiritual, thoughtful self is saved exclusively for my husband. I am not only my own, but I also belong to him, and him to me. This by no means is an all-inclusive list, but just some of the ways we have chosen as a couple to guard ourselves and each other.

I will seek God’s face and his wisdom in living my life and building my home and marriage. If you have read my blog for any length of time, you know that I constantly quote Psalm 18:30, “As for God, His way is perfect.” As a single person, that meant I would live accordingly God’s plans for me as a single person. I would trust in Him to bring me a husband in His time, and I would serve him with all my heart where I was while I was waiting. Now that I am married, that verse still applies. His ways are perfect in my marriage. I will obey his rules in continuing to serve and love and build my home His way- the only perfect way. If we are truly committed to doing life His way, we will not fail. Period.

People, marriage is huge. It is important. It is hard work. It is such a daunting task that it is overwhelming at times. We need men and women, husbands and wives, who will commit to doing all they can to fight for their marriages. That means learning from others, emulating happy marriages, and being proactive in setting up boundaries to keep you marriage safe, happy, and healthy, and seeking to do all things God’s way. If you have been getting lazy in your marriage, this is your wake up call. Satan wants it. Sit down with your husband or wife and communicate these principles and your desire to guard and build a strong, healthy relationship with them.

I’m a newlywed, and I’m committed to doing marriage right, who is with me?

By Lauren DeMoss

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