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1/22/13 at 12:26 PM 0 Comments

How Much Does a Pastor Share With his Wife in Regard to Confidential Matters?

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By Brian Croft

Because every wife is different, the answer to this question will vary depending upon your own wife. Regardless the kind of wife you have, balance is the key with any pastor’s wife. Balance to protect them from that which would be unhelpful to their soul. Balance to include them in that which would help us discern a particular situation they may have a keen insight on. For example, It is not helpful for my wife, or any wife for that matter, to know the men who struggle with pornography in our church, but she may be a valuable asset in caring for a woman who is battling depression.

Pastors, we must lead our wives well to capture a fruitful balance. Stray too far to one side, and we are keeping our heart from our wives and cutting her out of our inner circle; stray too far to the other side, and she can feel trapped about situations in which she has no voice or recourse. The most important reality to remember in finding this balance is that she is your wife, not your fellow pastor. Include her for her benefit and the benefit of others, but she is not called, nor required to carry the same burdens we are.

Love your wife by knowing your wife. The Lord will give you discernment on those many, unique, and challenging situations that all pastors are faced with on a regular basis.


Brian Croft is senior pastor of Auburndale Baptist Church in Louisville, Kentucky, has authored the book Visit the Sick: Ministering God’s Grace in Times of Illness, and guest blogs for 9 Marks.

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