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12/4/15 at 01:20 PM 0 Comments

Why Do We Think We Can Change Bad Boys?

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Sheila’s Marriage Moment: Let’s Stop Trying to Change Bad Boys!

Every Friday I like to write a quick, 400-word inspirational marriage thought. Here’s this week’s on our propensity to want to change our husbands–to change bad boys.

The other night I was home alone, bored, so I checked Netflix to see if there were any good movies.

It told me I’d give The Rewrite with Hugh Grant and Marisa Tomei four stars, so I clicked play.

Fifteen minutes later I turned it off.

Basically, Hugh Grant’s character was a pig. He used women, he was shallow and selfish, and he had no redeeming virtues. But you know the way the story was going: he’d meet Marisa Tomei, and she’d be so amazing and so what-he’s-always-needed-but-never-found and he would change.

Why is that the plot of most love stories?

Why are we so drawn to the idea that our love will be enough to make a bad boy good?

God’s love is enough to make a bad boy good, but a woman’s love isn’t. And too many of us get married thinking that we can “fix” our husbands.
Christian romance novels are awfully guilty of spreading that, too.

I’ve read so many where he’s a rough cowboy, and then he meets her, and suddenly he’s domestic. Maybe he wasn’t “bad” in the same way as Hugh Grant’s character was morally bad, but the idea is the same: he needs saving, she’s swoops in, and in the process he’ll completely change.

No wonder so many of us get married and feel cheated! Why hasn’t he changed? Why hasn’t he become this sweet, nice, romantic and domestic man? Why is he still the strong, silent type? Why is he still rough around the edges? Why, for pete’s sake, does he still FART?

Just a few quick thoughts here: if a guy is truly bad, marriage won’t change his character. Run far away from bad guys. Yes, they can change, but let God do that work first before you even think about a relationship with him.

But what if he’s just the strong, silent type?

Then if you’re trying to change him, you’ve become the bad guy.

If you can’t love him, just the way he is right now, for the rest of your life, then don’t marry him. And if you’re already married? Learn to accept the rough edges of his personality. Yes,confront about the sin; absolutely! But if it’s just that he’s quiet, or he doesn’t share his emotions, or he can be thoughtless sometimes–maybe that’s how he is. And you promised to love him.

So love him, and stop trying to change him.

If we all did that, maybe we’d have some much better, and more realistic, love stories.

By Sheila Wray Gregoire

This article was originally posted here

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