Pain and Peace: How to Transition

When it comes to your emotional state of being,

there's a big difference between being in pain

and true suffering. What's the difference? And

how is this relevant for your marriage?

Let me illustrate with a story.

There once was a man who was sentenced to 25

years of backbreaking labor. His wrists were tied

to the handle of a huge wheel that was inlaid in

the wall. His job was to turn the wheel 10 hours

a day.

For years, day in and day out, the prisoner would

wonder what he was doing with this wheel. What

was the meaning of his work? What was on the

other side of this wall? Was he grinding grain?

Pulling up water? Moving some sort of conveyer

belt?

For 25 years he contemplated the meaning of his

work, and for 25 years he spun that wheel. It was

grueling, but he survived.

When his sentence was complete he was released

from prison. The first thing he did was run to

the other side of the wall to see what he had

been doing all this time.

What did he see?

Nothing!

There was nothing attached to the wheel. For 25

years, 10 hours a day, he was spinning a wheel

for absolutely no purpose. When the man realized

his true sentence, he collapsed and died.

The prisoner was able to survive 25 years of

backbreaking labor, but when he realized that it

was all for nothing, he couldn't survive for

another moment.

So what's the difference between pain and

suffering?

Pain has a purpose.

Suffering is true torture because it has no

meaning.

Pain is bearable. Suffering for no reason is

devastating.

Ask any woman about child labor. How was it?

Would you do it again? Most women will answer: It

was painful, but I didn't suffer. I would do it

again.

This is the key to save a marriage and

making it through to a new love and peace with

your spouse.

If you think there's no purpose to your emotional

hurt, you'll just want out. You'll run from your

kids, your responsibility, your vows...you'll run

from it all just to get relief from an unbearable

suffering.

But if you can come to understand why you're in

this situation, then you'll succeed to make it

through like a woman in child labor.

Why is this happening to you? What are you

supposed to be learning from all of this? Can you

see how your marital problems are really an

opportunity for you and your spouse?

I remember when my wife and I were going through

what seemed to be unbearable emotional pain as a

result of the loss of our 3 children and our

marriage problems. But now I see it all

differently. Yes, we were in pain, but we didn't

suffer. And although I might script things

differently if I were God, my wife and I now feel

a sense of peace and happiness that we wouldn't

trade for anything. Yes, we lost a lot, but we

gained each other and forged a marriage that has

become a wellspring of joy in our life.

Since those painful times, I've been blessed with

the opportunity to lead thousands of people who

are suffering in their marriage to a new peace

and happiness with their spouse. I've found a way

to do it even with the most difficult and unusual

situations.

For all of these people, the beginning of that

process was the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp.

And you can read about hundreds of stories in

addition to mine on this web site.

Warm regards,

Mort Fertel

Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness

Get FREE marital help: Mort Fertel's '7 Secrets to Preventing Divorce' available at www.MortFertel.com