Today's Christian Marriage
2/22/10 at 10:28 AM 0 Comments

Analysis Paralysis: How to unstuck your marriage

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Do you think a lot about your marriage?
Is that an understatement? Is OBSESS
more like it?

If you have marriage problems, and want to stop divorce
you probably spend a lot of time and energy THINKING
about your circumstances. You've probably analyzed
your spouse, your marriage, and what happened to
your relationship from every possible angle.

And the chances are good that others have
weighed-in on your situation too. Have you
discussed your problems with a friend, a family
member, or a marriage family counselor?

An astute analysis of your relationship can be
helpful. It sometimes leads to problem-solving
ideas that work.

Talking about your situation can be helpful too.
Most people find it therapeutic.  

But sometimes the problem with thinking and
talking about your marriage so much is that it
becomes a substitute for DOING SOMETHING.
Analyzing your marriage can be productive, but if
you want change, there's nothing like taking

I once did a series of private phone sessions for
someone who had been in therapy for over a year.
In our first session, I asked what changes she
and her husband implemented since beginning
therapy. She said, "Well, no real changes. But I
understand our problems much better."

I call that "analysis paralysis."

The great philosopher Socrates said, "The
unexamined life is not worth living." This is
very true. But the unlived life is not worth

THOUGHT and ACTION are like husband and wife. If
you're missing one, you can't have a marriage.

Rigorous thinking gives rise to intelligent
action. And action gives critical feedback for
further thought. Ultimately, it's the combination
of the two that leads to clarity and a changed

Love is articulated in the vocabulary of ACTION.
New thoughts and new words are useful when they
inspire you to DEMONSTRATE new behavior.

Wishing you well,

Mort Fertel
Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness

Get FREE marriage help: Mort Fertel's '7 Secrets on how to save my marriage' available at

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