Heal from old wounds in your marriage

Save My Marriage

Get yourself a glass of water. Really! Don't
just read on; first get a glass of water.

Got it?

Okay. Now, hold the glass of water in your hand
and pick it up.

Are you holding it up?

Now let me ask you this: How heavy is the glass
of water?

What do you guess it weighs? 1 pound? 2 pounds?
Less than a pound?

Keep holding the glass up. Don't put it down yet.

What do you think it weighs?

As you continue to hold the glass of water,
you'll notice that its real weight doesn't matter
as much as how long you hold it. The longer you
hold the glass of water, the heavier it feels,
right?

If you hold the glass of water for minute, it's
not a problem. It's not heavy.

But if you hold the glass of water for an hour,
your arm might start to ache. Eventually the
glass of water will feel like a ton of bricks.

The weight of the glass of water is always the
same. But the longer you hold it up, the heavier
it gets.

That's the way it works in your
marriage too. Things are bound to happen between
you and your spouse that will weigh heavy on you
and your spouse's heart. But the longer you "hold
them in," the heavier the burdens gets.

I can't tell you how many times I'll discover in
private sessions that the source of someone's
anger or bitterness is something that happened 15
YEARS AGO!

"Did you ever discuss what happened with your
spouse," I'll ask.

"No."

In an effort to make sure I understand I'll ask,
"You never talked it through? You never processed
with your spouse at all?"

"No."

Rhetorically I'll ask, "This has been building up
inside you for 15 YEARS and you never said
anything?!"

"That's right," is the response.

Do you hear that? It happened 15
YEARS AGO! And it still plagues them TODAY. In
fact, as I illustrated above, the burden gets
worse not better.

But do you know what always amazes me? The burden
gets worse for the person who's holding it in.
But their spouse forgot about the incident 15
years ago. They're clueless that the pain even
exists. They would be SHOCKED to learn that their
spouse still remembers what happened no less that
it pains them and remains in their heart.

Do you know what's bothering your
spouse? Do you know the root of their
frustration? Do you know what they just can't let
go of? And most importantly, do you know how to
draw it out and how to help them finally heal?
This is one of the many topics I'll cover in the
upcoming Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp.

Most people have something that continues to
bother them, something that happened years ago
that they never let go of, something that they
never "moved through" with their spouse. And
there it sits; getting heavier and heavier as the
years go by. Until finally it comes out as, "I'm
not happy" or "I want a divorce" or "I don't love
you anymore."

Old wounds that don't get treated aren't really
old; they remain fresh. They're still open sores
that eat away at your marriage from the inside
without you even knowing it. How do you stop the
bleeding? How do you finally let bygones by
bygones and move on in your relationship in a
healthy productive way?

Considering a marriage counselor or a marriage family counselor?

Get FREE marriage help: 'Mort Fertel's 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage' available at www.MortFertel.com