Today's Christian Marriage
5/30/11 at 02:24 PM 0 Comments

MARRIAGE: A CHURCH CONUNDRUM

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There was a recent report by The Christian Post saying,

"In an interview with World Magazine, Focus on the Family Chief Executive and President Jim Daly said that people in their 20s and 30s were especially likely to support same-sex marriage. Daly was asked by the magazine how evangelicals were doing in their efforts to support traditional marriage, in comparison to the success they have had advocating against abortion.

He answered: 'We're losing on that one, especially among the 20- and 30-somethings: 65 to 70 percent of them favor same-sex marriage. I don't know if that's going to change with a little more age – demographers would say probably not. We've probably lost that. I don't want to be an extremist here, but I think we need to start calculating where we are in the culture.'"

Mr. Daly is right about losing the argument against homosexual marriage. Also, to me, what is even worse is the age group supporting so-called homosexual marriage. If homosexuality has progressed as far as it has with the more conservative older generation, what will the status be when this new generation become old. If ever right teaching on marriage is needed, it is needed now.

However, what is even more disheartening and unfortunate is that he and other conservative Christian leaders and counselors lost heterosexual marriage long before losing same-sex marriage and continue to lose it.

Before attempting to halt the acceptance and belief by many toward so-called homosexual marriages, getting Biblical standards correct for heterosexual marriages must first be obtained.

When one adopts and accepts standards that are not Biblical in defining Biblical marriage, as the church has and does, the Godly marriages that may exist, especially in the church, will diminish. This happens because they are not founded upon the principles that govern marriage as the Bible prescribes. They are founded on secular ideas or imaginary notions instead. Biblical principles are what define a true marriage, making it holy and sacred - nothing else.

God's marital standards proclaimed in His Word are not counterfeit, symbolic, or contradicting as are the established standards that the church uses to teach on and support marriage today.

Knowledge of true Biblical marital standards will also cause understanding of the ramifications associated with its violation. Right now, the church pretty much is ignorant to and accepting of those violations among heterosexual couples on a regular basis.

Church leaders are ignorant to those Biblical principles and do not promote or enforce them within the body of Christ, which is what they are commissioned to do for the health of the church. In fact, contrary to Scripture, when they feel that someone is in violation, they advocate that those who commit such violations are to be welcomed, embraced, and coddled.

One failed argument by church leaders when opposing homosexual marriage is stating that the "tradition" of heterosexual marriage should be preserved. However, Biblically, marriage is not a tradition. It either is or it isn't. As I said in my first article, "Marriage: The Battle for Ownership," on this blog, "traditions can change."

God created marriage and designed the order of the union, which is not a tradition, but an absolute, which never changes. Therefore, it either is or it isn't. If the union (derived by their sexual intimacy, which church leaders refuse to accept, although proven time and time again in Scripture) is approved of God, it is a marriage between them. If the union is not approved of God, it is fornication between them.

Not all men and woman who the church deems to be married are truly married. A union that is a fornicated union is not a marriage, regardless of how many documents they acquire, witnesses they procure, officials that confirm it, love proclaimed, vows or commitments rehearsed, covenants initiated , etc., etc.

As long as the church refuses to implement and adhere to Biblical standards when it comes to marriage and its violation, it (not she) will forfeit God's power, victory, and numerous holy and sacred unions. It will cease to be an effective influence upon the world – what we are seeing today. It will continue to, unknowingly, promote fornication among sexual unions of heterosexual couples, damningly deeming them as being married.

It seems that the only remedy that church leaders and laymen emphasize in their concern about the high degree of failing marriages and divorce is the mantra "God hates divorce." However, what they fail to realize is that divorce is most often not the main issue. If the union of a man and woman is not qualified to begin with (see my article "The Honor of Biblical Marriage") divorce is inapplicable.

Just because a so-called marriage involves a male and female means nothing, if what they deem to be a marriage is in fact a fornicated union. It is nothing more than a counterfeit and a delusion. This occurs, because their understanding is alienated from the truth of Scripture of what makes a true marriage. God would never hate them getting a divorce. Rather, He would hate their fornicated union to begin with. One can only divorce from a justified union (marriage).

Not only that, divorce is essential when in a qualified marriage one of the spouses commits fornication against the other (see my article "Fornication: Sinning Against Your Body"). And yet, because of their misunderstanding, the innocent spouse is pressured on how they should not divorce the violating spouse, because "God hates divorce." They have no clue that the union is now defiled by the violating spouse. For the innocent spouse to continue in that union sexually, they would be fornicating self with their fornicated spouse.

The talking heads of the church declare that Jesus "allows" for us to put our spouse away if they commit fornication. They say, "He would rather that we forgive and as long as they are repentant take them back." Well, forgiving is essential, but taking them back is detrimental.

Not to single out Focus on the Family, however, what I just stated is confirmed in a recent statement, to The Christian Post, by Dr. Julie Slattery, the organization's family psychologist, concerning the circumstances of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver.

She stated "'infidelity is a serious concern when it comes to marriage. Infidelity is taken so seriously by God because it's a breach of the promise that you make, it's a breach of trust,' she explained. 'No marriage can really operate without having that basic trust that you are committed to being faithful to me.'

Infidelity is a legitimate cause for divorce, according to the Bible. Slattery acknowledged this point, but also stated, 'A lot of times in the church, because the Bible allows for divorce after infidelity, we think that means there has to be a divorce after infidelity and that's not true.'

Whether or not a couple can reconcile after an infidelity depends on whether or not the offending partner is repentant and willing to work towards rebuilding trust, Slattery noted.

'If the person is really willing to rebuild trust, [then] especially from a Christian perspective, I do believe that God calls us to show a kind of forgiveness and unconditional love.'"

With all due respect, this is terrible commentary. Let me identify some of the failings of her comments:

1) Infidelity is serious to God when it comes to marriage, no doubt. However, it is not because of a "breach of promise," but, rather, it is an act of fornication that severs the sacred oneness connection God made between them. Another connection is made that defiled the one they had together. It is so serious that in the Old Testament, the violator was stoned to death setting the innocent spouse free, and ridding Israel of this impure defiled person, so they could defile no one else. Very serious indeed, but not because of a breach of promise.

2) If God hates divorce and "from a Christian perspective...God calls us to show a kind of forgiveness and unconditional love," how could anyone ever divorce for infidelity? Ever? Otherwise, God allows us not to "show a kind of forgiveness and unconditional love" if we so choose. Wouldn't this be outside our so-called calling? Isn't this a contradicting statement?

3) How do you measure the sincerity of the "offending partner's repentance" and "if the person is really willing to rebuild trust?" If it happens again and they are sincerely repentant and willing to rebuild trust again, should you take them back again? What about a third, fourth, fifth time? Wouldn't this be a 70x7 "kind of forgiveness" and unconditional love?

4) Jesus didn't declare to the Pharisees that He "allowed" putting away because of fornication. He declared that it is the one and only reason. A reason, which wasn't even included in the "any" of the reasons they were advocating for putting away. Infidelity was never a reason they divorced for. They had them stoned. For purity it was essential they be put away, which the Pharisees understood. No other reason would be legitimate.

5) There is no "kind of forgiveness." Also, this "unconditional love" is what homosexuals use to describe God's love. However, this type of unconditional love is nothing more than unconditional tolerance – not love. Forgiveness and unconditional love is not synonymous with "tolerating anything and everything." True unconditional love, which is not based on certain conditions, does not mean that "you will not have to face the consequences of your actions", because "you are loved." Consequences and discipline are entirely different matters.

When a spouse commits fornication against the other, they are no longer distinguished as a husband or a wife. They are a fornicator. The distinction of a true husband or wife is one who marries based upon the Biblical qualifying description I lay out in my article "The Honor of Biblical Marriage." If any sexual intimacy by either spouse is committed outside of that legitimate union, they will have committed fornication against the other spouse negating their marital distinction.

The Apostle Paul showed one aspect of this truth in Romans 7:2&3 (KJV) as to what happens when a qualified marriage is defiled by an unlawful sexually intimate encounter by the wife. Her distinction is no longer a wife, but an "adulteress." This shall be her distinction for the rest of her life. Qualified unions are the only ones that make a sacred, consecrated, and holy marriage. The distinction Paul is referring to as an "adulteress" is not what men distinguish her as, but how God has distinguished her concerning her sexual connections and her qualifications of ever having a true Biblical marriage thereafter. Why, because God will always know their standing, where men may not.

As far as any so-called homosexual Christian is concerned, your connections are absolutely defiled and can never have a marriage before God. You might deceive yourself with the approval and documents of a secular government, but you will never secure any such thing before God. It is impossible. You are a fornicator from the get-go.

Let me conclude with the remaining quote from Jim Daly.

"Daly suggested that the church use the emerging trend as an opportunity to get its own house in order. 'We've got to look at what God is doing in all of this,' he said.

'Have we done such a poor job with marriage, is He so upset with our mishandling of it in the Christian community, along with our lust of the flesh as a nation, that he is handing us over to this polygamy and same-sex situation in order to perhaps, drive the Christian community, the remnant, into saying 'OK, there's no no-fault divorce in our church?'

Daly said he had met one gay activist who asked him why Christians were so upset with homosexuals for having a try at marriage when they themselves had not done so well with it. 'We've got to look at our own house, make sure our marriages are healthy, that we're being a good witness to the world,' said Daly. 'Then we can continue to work on defending marriage as best as we can.'"

Yes, Mr. Daly, it is time for the church to get its own house in order. Yes, God is upset with your mishandling of it and the lust of the flesh within the church, not necessarily in the nation.

Mr. Daly, the church needs to be re-educated from present wrong and confused teachings on marriage, so its sacredness and holiness are vividly seen, as well as the gravity of responsibility to it and the consequence of its violation respected. This is what God is trying to do.

I believe this re-education will not only produce healthy marriages within the true church, but also be the major ingredient to summon in a spiritual revival to God's church, our nation, and the world.

If you are really serious about your concern, Mr. Daly, contact me. There is much to be discussed. What you desire is not unattainable. However, under your present path, it will not be.

Attention: Recommended initial article reading order for a Biblical marriage foundation:

The Honor of Biblical Marriage

Fornication: Sinning Against Your Body – Part 1&2

BIBLICAL MARRIAGE? Dear Lord I Messed Up!

Premarital Cohabitation: A Christian Mythology

Biblical Marriage and the Erroneous Marriage Covenant

Putting Biblical Marriage Asunder

BIBLICAL MARRIAGE: A Sacred Law

Divorce: It’s All About Being Married

CP Blogs do not necessarily reflect the views of The Christian Post. Opinions expressed are solely those of the author(s).