Today's Christian MarriageTweet
Posted 1/27/10 at 11:28 AM | Mort Fertel
The closer you are to someone, the more likely
you are to step on their toes. And being married
to someone certainly puts you in close quarters.
So the chances are good that you and your spouse
have sore feet.
Okay, enough of the smelly metaphor. The point is
that it's NORMAL for you and your spouse to err
and for those "misses" to cause hurt...sometimes
serious hurt. FULL POST
Posted 12/9/09 at 4:38 PM | Mark Gungor
It never ceases to amaze me how many times I get asked by people (usually, but not always, women) what they should do when the person they are dating is treating them poorly. And by poorly I do not mean that he was 10 minutes late coming to pick the girl up or he forgot what her favorite flower was. By poorly I mean guys who call these women names and talk to them in degrading ways, guys who look at porn, stay out all night with other women doing exactly what you think they're doing, and on and on. Unbelievably, this is while they are dating! You know, the time when the dude is actually trying to win the woman; when he is supposed to be putting his best foot forward!
Honestly, I just don't understand it. For the life of me I can't imagine why a person would continue to date someone who treats them like dirt and with little to no respect. Is this really how they want to spend the rest of their lives? The fantasy world these women live in tells them that "he'll change," but the reality is, it only goes downhill from here! Generally, when I'm presented with this kind of scenario, I immediately ask one question: Are you having sex with him? And the answer is almost always: yes. FULL POST
Posted 11/17/09 at 11:35 AM | Mark Gungor
What if I were to tell you there was a pill you could take three times a week that would give you the following health benefits:
* Lower your risk of heart attack and stroke
* Reduce symptoms of depression
* Reduce risk of certain types of cancers
* Boost self-esteem and improve your mental health
* Reduce and relieve stress
* Help you sleep better
* Control your weight
* Increase your physical fitness
* Relieve pain
* Reduce the number of colds and flu
* Boost your immune system
* Improve bladder function
* Make you look younger
* Improve your reproductive health
* Prolong your life
And on top of these incredible benefits, this pill has no side effects, is completely safe, and it's free! What would most people say? "Man, give me some of that!" Everyone would be in line trying to get the Wonder Drug. Point of fact, there is such a thing: it's called sex. Studies have shown that sex has amazing health benefits. But let me point out that it's not just any old sex-these studies show that the benefits do not come with the hot and heavy rush of new romance or illicit sex, but rather the sex that is a by product of a calm, stable, committed marriage. It's not just sex. It's long-term, married sex that is the Wonder Drug. FULL POST
Posted 10/29/09 at 11:36 AM | Mort Fertel
Have you ever heard the expression,
"Love is never having to say you're sorry?"
Sometimes I wonder how such utterly ridiculous
expressions become commonly accepted. If you're
close to someone, you're going to step on their
toes occasionally. And when you hurt someone,
ESPECIALLY YOUR SPOUSE, it's important to say,
"I'm sorry." FULL POST
Posted 10/29/09 at 10:59 AM | Mort Fertel
Posted 10/21/09 at 11:37 AM | Mark Gungor
No-fault divorce has had a devastating effect on our culture. For decades now, one spouse has been able to unilaterally destroy their marriage, family and children. The marriage contract is the only contract in America that doesn't mean anything. In no other contractual agreement, can one person walk away without repercussions. You can't even break a contract with a plumber or a cell phone company without paying a penalty! Not so with marriage - one spouse can just walk away and the other one has no legal grounds to stop it, even if he or she doesn't want the divorce. Sadly, this is the case in far too many divorces.
There are some possible solutions to this troubling problem. People and groups such as Mike McManus and his organization Marriage Savers are advocating changes in laws to eliminate no-fault divorce. Additionally, some states now have what is called covenant marriage. This is an option where when you marry you sign a covenant that requires pre-marital counseling and it also makes a divorce more difficult to obtain. Essentially, you choose to say "no" to the option of no-fault divorce. This way it takes more than just one spouse deciding that he or she isn't happy and walking away to end the marriage. I highly recommend that all states lobby for such an option, because it would give the Church a lot more power to wield against no-fault divorce than we realize! FULL POST
Posted 10/7/09 at 2:02 PM | Mark Gungor
In my Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage seminar I explain in detail how a man's brain tends to compartmentalize things. It's like men have separate boxes in their heads for everything: money, sex, kids, wife, in-laws, etc. And for a guy these boxes don't touch. He thinks about one thing at a time and then moves on to the next thing since one box isn't connected to another.
Then I go on to explain how a woman's brain is like a big ball of wire where everything is connected to everything and there is no compartmentalizing at all. Money can be connected to the in-laws and sex can be connected to the kids. Things can run together very easily in a woman's brain.
These two very opposite ways of thinking and processing cause men and women to communicate in very different ways. There is one area this is particularly evident and often problematic-the apology. Because men have this unique ability to compartmentalize, a guy can go to his "apology box", say he's sorry for something he did, close that box and then move on to the next task or thing to think about. In his mind he took care of it, he said he was sorry, it's done and life goes on.
Not so for a woman. When she has been crossed or hurt for some reason, the connections in her brain make it impossible to compartmentalize. She may attach all sorts of reasons, feelings, and ideas to that one incident. While her husband has moved on to other territory, she hasn't because it may take her some time to process her emotions and thoughts. So when a woman is still upset, sad or hurt for a couple of days (sometimes weeks depending on the infraction) it is often a puzzle to the man. Guys will then perceive their wives as holding onto a grudge, being unforgiving and unwilling to move on, and they can become very frustrated. After all, he said he was sorry, why can't she just get past it? FULL POST
Posted 10/1/09 at 2:32 PM | Mort Fertel
Do you know Aesop's fable about the goose and the golden eggs?
Let me share it with you and explain how it relates to your marriage.
The fable is about a poor farmer who discovers that his goose is laying golden eggs.
At first the farmer thinks it must be a trick. But when he gets the eggs appraised, he learns that they're pure gold!
The farmer can't believe it. And he gets even more excited when he realizes that the goose is laying golden eggs EVERYDAY. Eventually, the farmer becomes fabulously wealthy.
But the farmer tires of caring for the goose and waiting day after day for the golden eggs. So he decides to kill the goose and get all the golden eggs at once. But when he opens the goose, there are no golden eggs. And now the goose is gone too.
How does this relate to your marriage problems?
A good relationship lays many golden eggs: security, companionship, fun, intimacy, just to name a few. In the words of Jerry McGuire, "You complete me." And that's exactly how we feel when we're in a successful marriage...COMPLETE.
But the golden eggs of a marriage are THE RESULT OF tending to the relationship (the goose).
Over time, most people grow tired of caring for their marriage. Most people become selfish and impatient. So they stop extending common courtesies, being sensitive, and thoughtful. They stop giving their marriage time and energy. And they treat the person closest to them in a way they would never treat even a stranger on the street.
The amazing thing is that most people's inappropriate behavior in their marriage is, in their mind, an effort to grab some golden eggs. In other words, people aren't trying to sabotage their marriage. They're trying to get what they want. They're trying to get the golden eggs. But their behavior is killing the goose!
In the beginning of your marriage, your relationship is strong and indestructible. But if you want the goose to keep laying the golden eggs, you've got to learn how to take care of it.
It's easy to fall in love. But maintaining a marriage that lays golden eggs year after year is something very few people know how to do.
But the fact is, it's not hard. You can do it! You simply have to know how.
Remember the first time you tried to use a computer? Overwhelmed right? "How does this work?" But once someone showed you; from then on it was easy.
Saving a marriage and maintaining love in your relationship is kind of like learning to use a computer. It's seems impossible; until someone shows you how to do it.
Love is NOT a mystery. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable--you can "make" love.
Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness
Posted 9/30/09 at 3:39 PM | Mark Gungor
It's a good thing that we Christians of today aren't the Christians of the first century church; otherwise the whole Christian movement would never have lasted and spread throughout the world.. People today don't have what it takes to navigate the slightest of hardships or difficulties. Anything that isn't easy or flat out gets "too hard" sends us packing. Persistent trials or even mild conflict in relationships-whether it be in marriage, family, on the job or in the church they attend-cause many people to just quit and give up. Never mind that we aren't talking about getting thrown in prison, being beaten, having your children murdered or even giving up your very life.
We live in a day and age when everything is about easy. Our culture says if anything is difficult, you don't have to do it-- or even worse, that you can't do it. Difficult has become synonymous with impossible. Husbands and wives can't keep their marriage vows because it's impossible to stay faithful. They divorce because their particular marital situation is impossible. They give up fighting for their marriage because they have issues and disagreements and it's impossible to keep going.
Just because something is hard, doesn't mean it is impossible-especially if you are a believer and have the power of the Holy Spirit living and working in you. While we have the most incredible help available to us through Christ, it doesn't mean that everything about life or marriage is easy. The bible never promises easy. In fact, many times scripture tells us quite the opposite. Jesus himself said that we would have trouble in this life. Paul wrote that married people would experience trouble. And it doesn't say we might have trouble or if we have trouble, rather when we have it. The bible is very clear that we will not have a life of ease. One, because we live in a fallen world full of sin, and two, because life on easy street does nothing to create character or build faith. FULL POST
Posted 9/23/09 at 11:16 AM | Mort Fertel
Shared by a Marriage Counselor
A marriage counselor once shared the following with me. I thought it was powerful and that it was worth sharing with you. It's the kind of story that you would not hear in a marriage counseling office, but one that you can imagine a marriage counselor sharing. Enjoy.
"This is Love" FULL POST