Today's Christian Marriage
9/14/14 at 03:56 PM 8 Comments

Premarital Cohabitation: Christian Mythology

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Premarital cohabitation. How many articles or comments I have come across by various Christians condemning this choice of living. They site the participants various reasons/motivations for choosing to do so. They offer researched statistics declaring all the ill and negative effects of this horrible and ungodly behavior, stating how unbiblical it is. Of course all the reasons and statistics they use include non-Christians as well.

Well, I want to set the record straight about premarital cohabitation, making the case that those Christians who make these claims of condemnation, whether they be pastors, teachers, licensed professional counselors, or whoever else declaring this choice of living as unbiblical speak from a total lack of understanding of the Bible - the truth concerning this lifestyle and its Biblical connotation. To declare their concept of premarital cohabitation, as they do, reveals senselessness and gives further proof of the ignorance of Christendom regarding Biblical marriage and its violation.

First, it is important to point out a fallacy that is predominately associated with those Christians who address the issue of premarital cohabitation. That fallacy is referencing non-Christians when providing their reasons to support their argument. This is another proof of Biblical ignorance. If someone is going to defend their argument toward what might be contrary to God’s word, then don’t include those who disregard His word in unbelief. They seem to have never learned from the Word of God that as Christians, we are not in the same category as those who are not born again. For we have been sanctified (separated) and made distinct from all others. We are a new creation and not like them anymore, bound to a new standard for following Christ, obeying God’s word. This is not the mandate or life of a non-Christian. It is bipolar (out of touch with reality) to reference the two when speaking about people who are supposedly violating Biblical precepts.

And here is where the foolish nonsense of their declarations is seen: The term “premarital cohabitation” is not a Biblical concept. Biblically, it is impossible for this situation to exist. Let me say it again: It is impossible. There is no such behavior or situational lifestyle applicable when referencing the Bible or the Christian. You can go nowhere in the Bible and find any such lifestyle or commandment concerning it, justifying the condemnation of it.

The underlying root basis for their condemnation of cohabitation is their foolish, unbiblical, and secular notion that “sex before marriage equals fornication.” To embrace this notion stems from their inability to rightly define Biblical fornication, which is the product of their inability to define Biblical marriage.

Just as the term “sex before marriage,” another Christian myth, is strictly a secular term, so is “premarital cohabitation”. The only reason these terms or perceptions exist is because the secular government issues a civil document of marriage to any two people who don’t already have one, they being sexually intimate beforehand. Christendom with their collective solipsism (the annihilation of an individual’s perception of reality in favor of a groups perception of reality) unfortunately deems this document as the means of absolute marriage, accepted by God who joins two people as one flesh with it and disjoins them if they no longer possess it. Therefore, without it, being sexually intimate is considered sinful. This is so not Biblical.

Dear reader, premarital cohabitation is purely a secular marital concept that is not Biblically associated, whatsoever, and it is utterly ridiculous to apply it to Scripture or the born-again Christian, because it emphatically does not exist, Biblically. Maybe this is why hardly any Scripture is referenced along with their condemnation on the issue. If any is, it will be regarding fornication and their wrong secular understanding of it. Again, there is not one example or commandment in the Bible to support their notion.

Let me give you an example with a June 20, 2014 CP article portraying the foolishness of thought and actions taken by those who embrace the falsehood of this issue. Allow me to pick on John Piper, although he is not alone in his conclusions of premarital cohabitation:

“On an ‘Ask Pastor John’ broadcast this week, John Piper was asked whether he would marry a couple who were already living together and if so, how that would be different from marrying a homosexual couple.

Piper, a Reformed theologian and long-time preacher, said he would marry a heterosexual couple who were cohabiting (and even pregnant) only if they repented of their sin (and really meant it) and remained chaste until marriage.

‘That bears a beautiful testimony of the grace of God in their lives,’ he said.

Failing to have pure and virgin bodies at the marriage altar is not unforgivable, Piper added. Purity on the other side of sin is possible through the justifying and sanctifying work of Christ,' he stated."

I’m sorry, but this perception is so Biblically inept it begs description. It is a perfect example of the attitude of church leadership who ignorantly believe they have this marital thing all figured out, whereby they possess an illusory authority over it and demand appeasement regarding their objections, along with satisfaction that true repentance has been forthcoming. Let’s examine some of the ineptness of his comment:

1. If two people of the opposite sex are qualified to be sexually intimate with each other, as I teach in my book or other articles, they are already married before God. They have not sinned and no forgiveness is needed, before they go through the motions to satisfy men. If God deems them legitimately married, how is it sinful to live together?

2. If these two are not eligible to be sexually intimate, they have already committed fornication with each other and just because they stop their physical intimacy/living together before going through the motions to satisfy men will not eliminate their fornication afterward.

3. Is he insinuating that he knows when someone is truly repentant? After all, regarding repentance, what does “really mean it” mean? It’s similar to determining “what the meaning of is is.” So, if the guy moves out, not sleeping there at night, yet is there all day until late and they are still sexually intimate, will Mr. Piper know this? After all she is already pregnant and this cannot be put on hold. What if she already had the child? Does the father still have to move out and not be sexually intimate with his wife? (I mean, live in?) If they abstain until Mr. Piper says they’re married, are they now forgiven for not having pure and virgin bodies when they come to the alter?

What exactly is the “marriage alter,” anyway? Show me in the Bible a “marriage alter” and I’ll show you a “marriage bed.” If the couple immediately went to the courthouse and got their marriage license before the ceremony, would they now no longer be in sin and would it be acceptable to Mr. Piper? Would he consider this true repentance or be aggravated by it? After all they are now a married couple. What if this was their second cohabitation? Does all of this also apply to the non-Christian?

4. “Purity on the other side of sin is possible through the justifying and sanctifying work of Christ?” Again, is he talking about two Christians who have already been justified and sanctified by the work of Christ or someone who hasn’t and needs to be redeemed? If he is referring to Christians, then I take it that he never marries non-Christians, because they would not ever qualify regarding those attributes…would they?

5. He conveys an attitude as if he is Biblically ordained of God to approve or disapprove the marriage of these people, when, in fact, he is only making up his own terms of procedure before he signs the civil document as an agent of the state. Biblically, he has no authority by God to determine or make a marriage of anyone. He has no power to do any such thing. The only authority he has is what is given to him by the state for the issuance of a secular government document of marriage. If the state were to take that away, what authority would he possess then? None!

And then, what if they didn’t stop living together and found another pastor that agreed to marry them anyway, receiving their document from the state and, then, they go back to Mr. Piper’s church? Will he declare their marriage to be invalid? As Christians, will he not let them work in his church? After all, they now have their license. Doesn’t that mean they are now not living in sin and God approves of their joining? When a married Christian couple moves into the area and attend his church, does he question them on whether they cohabited before their ceremony or reception of their document (are you married after the ceremony or not until the document is issued from the state stating this fact)?

Of course, guys like him go on as they do, because Christians give him credibility by believing these false doctrines/theologies taught by guys like him. No one acknowledges the obvious contradictions seen in all of this and challenge them to answer for it. They state, “Jesus says this” or “the Bible is against that” and never back it with Scripture. Where are the Christian Berean’s of our day?

6. How does he know that they haven’t been sexually intimate with someone else before cohabiting with the one they now want to marry secularly? What if they were divorced before?

There are a number of errors that can yet be pointed to. However, can you see just how convoluted, illusive, unbiblical, and secular this premarital cohabitation argument is? How long will Christians accept this myth and all the nonsense that is taught in the church regarding it?

All of these distortions and myths emanate from the church’s lack of understanding of Biblical marriage. And, as I stated before, one must get Biblical marriage right in order to get Biblical fornication right. When one’s theology on marriage is secular, then it is only reasonable their theology of fornication will be fashioned in the same secular vein.

If you care to know the truth, within my book and/or the articles I have written, you will get a solid Biblical understanding of marriage and its violation, backed by numerous Scriptural examples to help you in your understanding for what makes real Biblical marital purity.

If you have any questions or comments, please contact me at my website

Attention: Recommended initial article reading order for a Biblical marriage foundation:

The Honor of Biblical Marriage

Fornication: Sinning Against Your Body – Part 1&2


Premarital Cohabitation: A Christian Mythology

Biblical Marriage and the Erroneous Marriage Covenant

Putting Biblical Marriage Asunder


Divorce: It’s All About Being Married

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