"NO" to Marriage

Since June is a big month for weddings, some media outlets took the opportunity to celebrate the decline of marriage? They point out that the percentage of married Americans has dropped every decade since the 50’s. They marginalize traditionalists, conservatives and lots of religious folks who are standing against efforts to redefine, and thus further destroy, the institution. Two single, female writers for Newsweek go so far as to tell us: we needn’t bother. In their June 21^st column entitled “I Don’t : The Case Against Marriage” Jessica Bennett and Jesse Ellison state : “Once upon a time marriage made sense...” Then they spend three pages explaining why: “...it’s no longer necessary.” They explain that statistics show today’s women are educated, with more women attending college than men, and that, since the feminists got us “rights in the workplace,” we ‘re “the breadwinners (or co-breadwinners) in two thirds of American families.” We have vacuum cleaners and washing machines to make life easier. They argue that since Americans have a high divorce rate, perhaps it’s better to avoid divorce by forgoing marriage in the first place. And, they argue, “having children out of wedlock lost its stigma a long time ago.” “’Save ourselves’ for marriage? Please.” Plus, they continue, “federal law favors unmarried taxpayers....” They also cite an anthropologist who believes that, biologically, humans are not meant to be together for periods of more than three or four years.

The authors issue a caveat: Since one is in her late twenties and the other in her early thirties, ask them about marriage again in five years. With their biological clocks ticking, one or the other of them might change her mind and actually get married herself! Meanwhile they employ the Newsweek platform to breezily dismiss God’s design.

CNN picked up the theme and, a few days later, published snippetsfrom interviews with “15 Women Who Said ‘No’ to Marriage.” These women, all in relationships with men, saw no need for the piece of paper.

Shannon M. from Newark, New Jersey said, “We have been together for 15 years and we feel (italics mine) married.” Sarah L. from Lodi, Ohio told the reporter: “I have always had a fear of commitment and not being married allows me to not feel this fear, while still being with the man I love.”

Cynthia G. in Marion, Illinois said, “I fear that marriage would cause him to want me to become a stay-at-home mom, and this is the one thing I have never wanted to be. We do want kids someday...” Amelia P., in Houston Texas gushed, “We have been together for seven years and have three amazing children together. We have four cats...” and she lists other belongings.

To many of us these statements sound absurd and inconsistent. But more women are thinking that way. Some marriage scholars applaud the shift, saying the decline of marriage is no catastrophe and that nonmarriages can work just as well.

The Bible explains that marriage is God’s design for mankind and it’s good. Believers should be able to make a clear argument for marriage. Marriage directs men and women toward each other and their children. It is the foundation for the family unit that supplies economic, emotional, academic, and spiritual support to its members. We should contend for the “piece of paper,” the vow. The commitment is still needed.