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Weather The Storm Part Three

Thu, Feb. 19, 2015 Posted: 06:41 AM


I encourage you to read the two previous blogs to gain understanding of this particular subject. In Weather The Storm, I approached the very difficult and seldom discussed subject of divorce particularly among Pastors and those in ministry. My purpose was not to be judgmental for no one but God can judge matters of the heart. My purpose was to examine different aspects of the breakdown of a relationship in order to better understand it and gain insight on how to pray for the marriages of those in ministry.

It is sad and disheartening to hear about divorce especially among Christians couple and even more so when it is leaders in ministry. One of the problems addressed was Pastors with misplaced or improper placed priorities. Pastors was encouraged to put God first, family and then ministry.

In Weather The Storm part two I shared information on why Pastor’s wives leave. There were several articles including the one from The Marriage Mission blog indicates the following reasons:
• Feeling lonely and abandoned
• Feeling unwanted & undesirable
• Feels husband is indifferent to her
• Feels she does not matter to him
• Left out of major decisions
• Hurt my feeling and never apologize
• Consistently says mean and spiteful things
• Feels he demean her in front of others

In preparation for this blog I researched issues facing Pastors. In summary these issues surface several times:

  • Lack of prayer life (too much time spent preparing for sermons, speaking engagement versus quiet personal time with God)
  • Putting church members before family
  • Criticism and discouragement
  • unreasonable expectations of the pastors/wives/family
  • Financial struggles
  • Overly involved with church members of the opposite sex.
  • Feeling of or fear of rejection by church members
  • Loneliness and isolation for fear of being misunderstood
  • No one they can confide in for fear of being betrayed

The following are just my reflections on pastors and marriages:

A PASTOR is defined as a minister or priest in charge of a church 2) a person having spiritual care over a number of persons. A pastor is not all seeing, all knowing, does not have all the answers, is not perfect, and does not understand everything. He is not superhuman.

A pastor will make mistakes, has his own pet peeves, has limitations, will face temptations, and has insecurities and weakness. A pastor who is married has responsibility to his family. He cannot be all things to all people at all times. He cannot be everywhere at any given point and time. He is a man who has been called to pastor.

Pastor’s first responsibility is to guard, protect and maintain his relationship with God. Thou shall have no other God before me. If you find the only time you spend reading the bible is in preparation for a sermon. Stop. Don’t forget that your soul needs refreshing as well. Clear your agenda. Get in the presence of God not for a sermon but for the refreshing of your soul and to guard the anointing he has placed on your life.

The Pastor has a responsibility to honor, love, and protect his wife, his marriage. In doing so, he protects himself. Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Eph 5: 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Stop the argument nothing comes before My ministry. She is not there to come before your ministry. She is your helpmeet. You are better together than apart.

They shall be one flesh. Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourished and cherisheth it even as the Lord the church. You are her head, her covering and the priest of your household. You are responsible for and accountable to her. A person who suffers a stroke on one side of their body is not able to function adequately. That person must engage in intensive rehabilitation to regain strength in the affected part of the body. They shall be one flesh. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY.

Pastors need vacations/retreats. One week is not a vacation. Your body takes that long to adjust to the change. The church will survive. Take a good couple of weeks quarterly to refresh yourself and your marriage. Come apart before you come apart. Jesus often left the disciples to be alone with the father. Attend seminars for pastors, iron sharpens iron.

Jesus asked Simon “Do you love Me? Feed my sheep. Pastors are shepherds watching over the sheep. Feed them the real meat of God and teach them to know him for themselves. Pastors must set boundaries and also delegate responsibility. Exodus 18:18-24.

A stranger walks into your home and announces that he came to destroy your wife and everything dear to you. What are you prepared to do to protect your wife? That stranger is the spirit of separation, divorce, disharmony, strife, contentions, disagreements, pride and unwillingness to forgive or compromise. That spirit must be exposed and pulled down.

Every Pastor needs a pastor. Every pastor need a small group of pastors that they trust and can be accountable to. In preparation for my counseling degree I had to participate in six to eight session as a counselee dealing with a real problem. The experience was to help counselor appreciate the process, the difficulties of sharing your soul with another. To experience how difficult it is to trust someone with your issues. Most pastors are reluctant to engage in counseling. They fear their reputation will be hurt etc or they will somehow be betrayed. I had a supervisor as a counselor who was very effective in providing supervision. Many times in supervision I would find tears suddenly filling my eyes. No, she was not disciplining or reproving me. Somehow, as we discussed my clients a issue would surface that I did not even know I had.

May I ask you a question? Have you or do you provide marriage counseling to your flock or counsel them in other areas? Pastors struggling with marriage issues need to seek the counselor of one who has struggled and been successful in this area (meaning they did not divorce). In fact, you may find that there are some hidden issues that you need to deal with in counseling that you were unaware of.

SPEAK THE ANSWER NOT THE PROBLEM. THE ANSWER IS THE WORD OF GOD. Father we lift up marriages before you, particularly Pastors and those in ministry. You created marriage between a man and a woman and you honor what you have created. We plead the Blood of Jesus over every marriage. We draw the blood line around them Now. We speak that these marriages are solid as a rock, strong, enduring, and loving. We speak that understanding, compassion, willing to forgive and compromise prevails in marriages. Knit the hearts together with the thread of your love. Let them seek and love you and walk in your will. Teach them how to pray together and let you be the umpire of every decision. Keep them physically strong, emotionally balance and spiritually victorious in every area of their lives. Teach couples how to minister to each other, to nurture, protect and preserve their marriages to keep the love fresh, hot and on fire. Bring to remembrance the way they were when they first fell in love. We bind up spirits of discord, disagreements, un-forgiveness, harsh hurtful words/actions, separation, pride and divorce, emotional and physical dissatisfaction. God you are love and we pray that your love flow from heart to heart in them. We commit every marriage to you because you are able to do exceeding abundantly more than we could ask, think, or even imagine. Father we pray that you commission ministering and warring angels to assist our Pastors and leaders. We pray that you connect them with the right counselor to help them move to the next level and we bind up pride that would keep them from receiving the help they need. All power is in your hands and for this reason we bow before you, honor and give you all the glory.

Father I pray that you anoint the words on this page to enlighten, give hope and help to those that stand in need. I pray that someone will have the courage to “Selah” pause, meditate, think again and like the eagle be successful in weathering this storm, for it too will pass. BTW: WATCH FOR LAST BLOG OF THIS SERIES SOON.

RESOURCES AND REFERENCES:

http://www.christianity.com/church/church-life/4-things-you-should-know-about-your-pastor-s-spiritual-life.html

http://www.1timothy4-13.com/files/teach/pastorhelp.html

http://www.christianpost.com/news/when-pastors-need-a-pastor-70814/

http://thomrainer.com/2014/03/01/eight-of-the-most-significant-struggles-pastors-face/

http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/167379-philip-wagner-secret-pain-of-pastors.html/2

http://www.smallchurchleaders.org/the-small-church-board/support-and-care-for-the.html

http://thomrainer.com/2014/10/04/seven-ways-pastors-family-comes-attack/

http://www.soulshepherding.org/1998/07/jesus-set-boundaries/

http://70030.netministry.com/apps/articles/?articleid=33038&columnid=3902

http://pastors.com/5-tips-prevent-ministry-burnout-2/

http://www.northwoodschristiancounseling.com/counseling-for-pastors/

Yvonne Perkins