Psalms of a Middle Aged Woman
2/1/14 at 05:47 PM 0 Comments

Who's In Charge?

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A few years ago, I was a single mother, working multiple jobs and still not making ends meet. I lived paycheck to paycheck, but there was still always more month at the end of my money. It was a struggle to buy the necessities, let alone the luxuries, so we went without things like cell phones and cable tv. My kids needed more than I could provide. To make matters worse, I had to file bankruptcy. It was a rough time in my life when I found myself without even a bed, sleeping on the floor and calling in sick because I didn't have enough gas to get to work. I wanted more for my children, but I was stuck. I was trapped in a deep, dark hole and I couldn't see the world from this self-made prison. So I made my home in that deep, dark hole and became content. My thoughts were, "I'm working this hard and getting no where fast. What possible option do I have to make life any better? Where, where, where is the God who rescues?" I was stuck, and without the strength to pull myself out.

I guess my depression and exhaustion took a toll on my motivation to give 100% at work. My employer pulled me aside for a little chat about my lack of enthusiasm. Her choice of words were less than inspiring. In fact she made some derogatory remarks about me and accused me of some things I hadn't done. I tried to defend myself, but she refused to even listen. It made me so angry that I drove home that night, wiping tears of frustration off my cheeks, and coming to the conclusion that I was not going back. I got on my computer, did a search on and found a job description that could have been copied from my own résumé and applied for the job. I got a call for an interview the next day. In my heart, I knew that job was mine. The Director and I had a lot in common concerning early childhood education and incorporating a faith based curriculum into the classrooms. We hit it off and she offered me that job the next morning.

Life still had it's ups and downs, but it also had a job I loved, staff that I thought of as friends, and a much bigger paycheck. It meant that I could let go of one of my part time jobs and spend more time at home. It put me in a place where I learned exactly what I needed to become a Director of a faith based preschool four years later. Had I not been put into a place of frustration and hurt, I would have stayed in that unfulfilling job making minimum wage. The things that were said to me hurt enough that I wanted a change. At the time, or course, I was so confused why my former employer had humiliated and angered me. I hadn't deserved that kind of treatment. Today, I know I had to be made aware of options outside of the deep, dark hole and the only way to do it was to be grabbed by the shoulders and shaken until I shouted, "enough!"

How do I know that this was God's plan for me? That ad that I replied to for the new job was not supposed to be there the night I drove home in tears. The director who hired me said it was mistakenly posted a week earlier than scheduled. It was all in the timing. God's timing is perfect. But I had to be taken to the place where I was willing to break free. Finding my way out was not happening on my own power. It took the love and mercy of a God who wanted more for me and my children. It took His perfect timing to give me the courage (even if it was more of a righteous indignation) to make the break. Everything has come together; the experiences, the struggles, the triumphs that have made me who I am. Looking back, I know that without God's devine intervention, I would not be a published author, African missionary, or an Early Childhood professional today. I might be the "boss", but I know without a doubt who's in charge.

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