This summer is special because its wedding season and I'm engaged!
Actually I have been engaged for almost two years. However this year my fiancé David and I are committed to tying the knot this summer.
Six months into wedding planning, the bridezilla in me has been rearing its ugly head. What is a bridezilla you ask?
According to the Urban Dictionary, a bridezilla is "one ridiculously spoiled woman* that thinks she is the center of the universe just because her 'show' (the wedding) is 18 months away from now."
(*A different word was used here.)
I have spent less than 18 months planning my wedding and yet I feel a David Banner*-like transformation occurring in me.
(*This a reference to the Incredible Hulk reference, not the rapper.)
I first realized that I was becoming a bridezilla three months ago after the reception site refused to give me a discount on chairs and tables. In my mind, it was a reasonable request. After being denied, l sent not one, not two but three mean emails ... to my fiancé! In my mind, it was David's job to defend my honor by fussing out the event coordinator.
The bridezilla inside my head had turned my quest to get the best price possible into a crazy, self-absorbed desire for control.
The Urban Dictionary describes the bridezilla's mindset this way:
"Everyone else in the world has to drop everything and come running in[to] this prima donna's mind"
Brides, does this account seem familiar?
Those planning their weddings usually start out with good intentions. Certainly marriage as God intended it is a good thing. It is God's undying love for humanity made real and personal.
However it is all too easy to make the event about selfish pride, thus hurting feelings and severing relationships along the way. Is this how Christians are called to behave? Certainly not!
On the contrary, Christians are called to deny themselves – including their selfish aspirations to be the most beautiful bride or have their wedding grace the pages of Martha Stewart Weddings* – for God's greater glory.
(*All my dreams and aspirations.)
I can almost hear some saying, "But wait, there's nothing wrong with a bride being a little selfish about her wedding. After all, it's her day."
To paraphrase a mentor couple at the premarital retreat David and I attended, the wedding is a great time to minister to friends and family about the true meaning of love.
In a world where "true love" ends in separation 72 days after the wedding, websites encourage men and women to cheat on their spouses, and marriage is considered "obsolete," your friends and family need to know that real love is more than three dress changes, blue Jimmy Choos, fine china on each table, and an elegant 5-course meal. They need to know real love is about unwavering commitment, reconciliation and self sacrifice. They also need to know that real love is alive and well and no more than simple handshake, hug or thank you phone call away.
Deny the bridezilla within by valuing your friends and family in your wedding plans.
Since my incident three months ago, I've tried to make a conscious effort to relinquish control. I called friends and family to share in the preparations, rather than dictate my will. I've begun praying for the guests and attendants. I've also decided to make the day more about my fiancé. (Needless to say I apologized for the emo emails.)
I am putting renewed focus and effort in the ministry part of the wedding. I encourage other brides to join me in doing the same.