The Diary of A Single MomTweet
Posted 3/15/17 at 8:10 PM | Marianne Kurtz
I love this show called the talk with Sharon Osborne I really just love her, an amazing woman. Anyway, she was talking on there a few weeks ago with a guest and they discussed empty nest and how it took her 2 years and it felt like death.
I just sat there and was like WHAT? That is what I said, that my son leaving felt like death. I literally had to keep walking around my house and saying “He is not dead!” which just is crazy…he was just in boot camp. I mean not just, that is crazy tough when you CAN’T contact someone and it’s your 20 year old son and let’s not talk about the days when they couldn’t do that! I don’t think I would’ve survived. This was torture, I literally felt like my whole world ended! What was I going to do now? My whole world has been my sons and I forgot to think beyond that. Actually, I thought beyond that but, only because my call always seemed to forever include my sons and I couldn’t understand what went so wrong. FULL POST
Posted 2/2/17 at 9:18 AM | Marianne Kurtz
Maybe this is something you have asked yourself, maybe it's not. But, I have constantly for the last 2 years...Who am I? What do I want to be when I grow up?...that is what is on my wall!
I said something to my son today that made me think this is exactly what is going on. He is doing his own taxes on a ship while deployed….what??? I thought for sure he would still need me for this. Come on! I’m an accountant, I’m your mom, I’m handy to have around. But, he clearly is finding himself in this world and wants to be a whole young man and lead his own life. I’m….good….with….that….ummmmmm. YEA! Actually, I really am! But, what I said back to him was it was fine, “I am learning to grow into my own person too…it’s just taking longer because it was unexpected.” I didn’t realize how much of my life was wrapped around my sons. Everything I did I did for them. I worked hard…for them. I cleaned up…after them. I didn’t date…because of the time I wanted to spend with them. I cooked…Now that I didn’t do! Haha! I did teach them how.
In saying that to my son, I really realized that is exactly what is happening. I am finding out who I am all over again. I thought I knew, and I still know that part of me is real, but there is more. From this point forward to look forward to what is new in me and finding out what I want to be when I grow up too! FULL POST
Posted 1/24/17 at 9:12 AM | Marianne Kurtz
The Gifts and Callings are Without Repentance, right?
This just makes me wonder what we are trying to so hard to get everything perfect for. We are human and we are most likely going to make mistakes.
So, what makes our gifts and callings of no more value in our lives?
I believe it is not seeing them for what they are. Kind of where I am right now.
I have said it before, I have always been ok with changes in my life, been able to move on, get over it…be happy. But, this parenting thing where parenting isn’t really happening anymore is very difficult. What do I do with all this knowledge God has given me when no inspiration? That has been my question the last couple years.
One day I was minding my own business and started thinking about how through all my life no matter what decisions I have made that were right or wrong, and I have definitely made some wrong ones, God has always been faithful and has never said to me that my gifts or calling was negate because the decisions I made ruined it all! OMG that would be a lot of pressure and unfortunately, some people live their life that way, I know because I did for a long time. FULL POST
Posted 10/13/16 at 4:07 PM | Marianne Kurtz
Teach as We are Taught
A. it’s ok to start over
B. It’s ok to apologize to our kids if we messed up maybe got upset over small things
C. DON’’T GIVE UP!
You should also remember that starting over gives you a chance to make things right. don't get discouraged if you have to tell your children things many times either, it takes time to learn.
and as children they will see how far they can go and where there boundaries are.
as a parent I would get very busy and have many things on my mind and forget the last rule I made or we changed. so, in order to eliminate confusion, I established a method of defeating this - we wrote the change on a calendar. Then when I would say "how come this or that is not done?" or whatever the case may be...we would see what that last change was and take it from there. and because we all were present when it was made it was easy to determine the outcome and if there was a misunderstanding or discipline was needed.
Of course this was more for as they were older...but, I haven't really established an age for this site. :)
Will They Ever Learn?...
Ya know...one thing I learned after a while is that when I discipline them they know how to fix it but, really they don't. I mean let's just think for a minute...if you got a spanking every single time after you didn't clean your room right or after fighting with your brother and knew the right way to behave would you really do it again and again and again? I don't think so. FULL POST
Posted 9/15/16 at 9:06 AM | Marianne Kurtz
Life After Bulimia
I have written about insecurities but being in a constant state of insecurity regarding what I look like is a whole other story.
I know everyone deals with insecurity but, I can’t speak from their point of view. I can only speak from mine. One thing I could never understand is the saying: "You can’t love someone unless you love yourself"
I never agreed with this statement before because I know I can love…I love my kids, my friends, my family, and I think I have the ability to love without judging them. I never believed that I didn't have the ability to love just because I struggle with loving myself.
Then I started thinking how not loving yourself can hurt a relationship. Yep...I might be wrong about not agreeing with it...and now it's in writing...that I'm wrong. Oh NO!!!
When you're always looking at all the negatives within yourself then it's hard to imagine people seeing the positive. With family it's different because you know the unconditional love is there...at least in my family it is. My kids will love me unconditionally, my mom will and has loved me unconditionally no matter what I have done, my aunts, my uncles...they all love me unconditionally. But, someone outside the family...not so secure in that love. FULL POST
Posted 9/8/16 at 2:00 PM | Marianne Kurtz
It was in 1995 that I found myself a single parent of two children that I tried to have joy being around but they just did not listen to anything I said. My cry for help to God was one of utter frustration.
I knew when I was pregnant with my oldest son that although I was not in a place in my life where having a child was a great choice I knew two things: 1) He would never go to public school and 2) I would raise them in the way they should go even though I was nowhere near the right way to go.
At this point in my life I had no way of knowing how to achieve either of those two things and low and behold 3 years later I did not like even being around them very much because they seemed to ignore everything I said. If I said, “Pick up your toys” I would end up doing it and in my head I was showing them how, even though after three years of saying the same thing I couldn’t figure out how they possibly did not know how to do it themselves by now.
Not only was it the fact that they were not obedient at all but the fact that I knew there was no way I would be able to be home and school my children! How in the world was this ever going to happen? Well, I was not in the greatest place in my walk with God but I did know that He would come through and He did. FULL POST
Posted 8/18/16 at 3:47 PM | Marianne Kurtz
Does your son or daughter always has to talk when you talk with someone or get your attention the moment you get on the phone? I have not met a parent yet that has not had to train their child to stop doing this. Something about being the center of attention to a child seems almost innate. I'm not sure the childish logic of this continuous action but I am sure how to train for it.
Everyone's child has some special talent that mommy is so proud of and she just wants everyone to see what her kid can do, "Come here Tommy and show so and so how you sing that song or dance or sing and dance" whatever the case may be. Well, now little Tommy is the center of attention and WOW does he like it and he really is pretty cute and maybe even sings and dances just perfect but...!
But have we as the loving parents who just want our kids talent to be seen just created a monster? The answer is that it doesn't have to be that way. You can train your child that even though you might have brought attention to them for a moment in giving them the "stage" to show what they can do it was and always should be to give the glory to God because He gives the talent. AND...that doesn't mean they will always be the center of attention. FULL POST
Posted 8/9/16 at 10:36 AM | Marianne Kurtz
It's easy to say what you believe in behind closed doors but what about when you are out in public. As the world gets louder about what they believe in it's time that Christians and parents who believe in spanking, (not beating their kids) controlled discipline, speak up for what the Bible says.
Too many opinions about it not being the correct way to discipline! It is the Christian way and IT does work when consistent and not done in anger. As Christians we cannot just sit back and watch the world tell us how to raise our children when the answer lies in the Word not the world.
The problem has been not being consistent which in turn leads to anger in discipline and that is where the problem begins because then you get mad and see red. Don't beat them down with words or an object or your hands, Train them up in peace, love and the rod of correct - I call this my paddle! ! It is better to walk away and take a breather from any situation if you are angry and get over it before dealing with it...disciplining children should be no different. Walk away for a moment; don't keep saying stupid stuff and expect things to not blow up in your face. Take a moment, get over it, think reasonably and then deal with it in peace. If you spank in anger you impart anger; spank in peace and surety that you know "Spare the Rod..." then you impart peace. It works!
Posted 7/25/16 at 11:19 AM | Marianne Kurtz
The Frustration of Insecurities!
Insecurity can come in many different forms but being insecure about people loving you is possibly the bottom line.
I remember back to the days when I believed what people told me, the words “I love you” had meaning and a purity to it. Now, I’m not sure if it’s just the years of hearing people say it and then leave that same love behind for the smallest reasons (sometimes also in the name of love) or if those words are just thrown around like its nothing. Kind of funny that I used to think it was such a special sentence to hear and now it’s just a phrase “Luv ya”, “love ya”, I heart you, however you say it…and I am guilty too. I have definitely said it too prematurely but I feel like I’ve finally learned not to throw it around like it is just a phrase.
Fast forward 20 years and I even doubt my kids love me…why is that? I know they do…that’s how ridiculous it is. Insecurity: lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt FULL POST
Posted 7/6/16 at 7:10 AM | Marianne Kurtz
This post bears repeating…as parents we tend to answer our children without even thinking about what we are saying. This can lead to mixed signals to the children when saying no to something without really a true understanding of what they're asking. Make yourself listen to their questions and make yourself answer with that full understanding! Then you won't say "no" to the candy bar you really don't mind saying "yes" to. Just listen to them the same way you need them to listen to you - with hearing ears.
The message translation
"And don't say anything you don't mean"
"In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say 'yes' and 'no'. When you manipulate your words to get your own way you go wrong"
Although this doesn't seem very difficult it can be. Especially when you have said no to something and then those cute little faces stare up at you like you just destroyed their life! Don't change your mind...be more thoughtful when you say yes or no from the beginning. You can say 'not now' or 'maybe later'. FULL POST