Single mom for 18 years of two AMAZING sons! Ready for the next step in life! Bring it on so I can write about it! I think that being honest with yourself is important. Honest about what you’re
Posted 6/13/16 at 10:50 AM | Marianne Kurtz
So…this week has been fun!
I am not sure if it was the food dye I had over the weekend or what but, WOW!
I am not sure how my son is still alive…because it does not matter what he said to me…it was WRONG! ALL WRONG!!
Sometimes I really get why men may choose to not marry…I didn’t like myself at all. I couldn’t stop it though…well, I could’ve but I would’ve had to keep my mouth shut! HA! That wasn’t happening.
I do this tech support from home, I wear many hats, and I renamed myself “Marianne AKA Oscar the Grouch”, just so everyone I work with in the chats would know to stay away from me!
But, seriously…I was nice to my coworkers…I just don’t know why I wasn’t to my son. Is it the “You always hurt the ones you love” thing? I didn’t hurt him, not physically…but I am sure I wasn’t nice. I did however; warn him that I was feeling grouchy and well…bitchy! I was…I really was. FULL POST
Posted 6/6/16 at 7:59 PM | Marianne Kurtz
What is Love?
I have a hard time understanding drama about love…you see it all the time on facebook and other social media outlets.
“My family doesn’t love me because they…” and usually followed up by something that as a parent I can agree with the parent.
Parental love does not include letting a son/daughter who is over 18 live in the house without a job. That is not teaching them anything except it is ok to mooch off of other people. This is not love.
To me, love has always been seeing beyond the here and now to seeing their future. Of course it’s not easy portraying what is called "tough love" but, what exactly will they learn if they are taught that living without working is acceptable.
As parents, we are responsible for our children and raising them to be functioning adults. However, if we don't take on this attitude and knowledge of child training early in life it will be too late and they will have only one way to learn and that's their own trial and error which, may not turn out so great.
Posted 5/24/16 at 10:32 AM | Marianne Kurtz
Think of any painting...it looks perfect but it's rarely PERFECT...it's done in EXCELLENCE and that, to me, is a state of mind. Doing it to the BEST of your ability, that's what matters in everything.
Let’s Be Honest, We Can’t be EVERYTHING to Our Kids but we can come close. I have always believed in saying you’re sorry when you’re wrong even though you are a parent as well as never being afraid to say “I missed it”. And believe me, I have missed it before.
Recently I had to do that. I taught my kids very well how to guard their hearts from everyone, including family. Not me, we can always be open and honest and but don’t trust others. What a huge mistake, I see that now…well, started re-teaching them how I messed up a few years ago.
I believe that being honest about where I still need work in my life is a way for my sons to see that it’s ok to be human, it really does happen, we are not perfect. FULL POST
Posted 5/16/16 at 4:36 PM | Marianne Kurtz
Is unconditional love, love that doesn’t judge our actions?
Are we supposed to judge each other’s action?
What is the difference between loving a person where they are and telling them the truth in love? If you don’t tell them the truth does that mean you don’t love them?
All of the truth in all of those statements is correct. However, the main thing, in my opinion, that is left out is the actual love.
If you are judging somebody for their actions are you still filled with L-O-V-E for them? I mean the real LOVE. The one that actually still loves the person and will walk with them through a time of change that might be difficult to understand. I don’t mean love the sin or the decision…of course not!
When I went through a hard time, I did some things that I’m not particularly proud of and my long-time friends, that I thought I could trust, abandoned me because I was in sin. But, really just because the sin can be seen on the outside doesn’t mean that sin that can’t be seen. Well, I did my own little search and I did not have to look far to find the answer. FULL POST
Posted 5/9/16 at 9:48 AM | Marianne Kurtz
I do believe that we need to guard our hearts from being hurt, taken advantage of, and really just never want to be too gullible. You just need the right amount of gullible so that you do not end up looking at everything through the eyes of someone jaded by life.
The past several months has me thinking about exactly what jaded means.
I remember the Aerosmith song “Jaded” and back then I didn’t really get it. Now, all these years later…I completely get it. I never wanted my kids to feel this and so I taught them to protect themselves. You can let people in but you must protect yourself, don’t get too close. All of sudden, I saw everything like a fast forward movie and how now I am seeing spending time with people as value added instead of before I was jaded in everything.
Don’t get to close…people die, move away, and leave. So, love them but always remain separate. That is how I got by without shedding a tear for about 18 years because if you don’t let people in your heart you won’t get hurt. FULL POST
Posted 4/25/16 at 8:15 AM | Marianne Kurtz
Communication is Key as well…
One of the main things I always say is that consistency is key and it is true, consistency is key but, communication is key as well.
A friend of mine asked that I write about this.
My sons and I have always had great communication. From when they were small, I tried to teach them to not be afraid to communicate. I’m not talking about sharing emotions and that type thing. What I mean is this…
When my oldest was about 14 or maybe 15 I had an amazing discovery happen. It was a typical day at work and my coworker was getting married soon and was reading this book, I do not know the name, and was telling me about this part in the book where the author said that a man and a woman can be staring at like a doorknob and the woman has the potential to be thinking about a million things, but the man has the potential to be thinking about nothing at all. My coworker continued to talk about the book but I was stuck. “What do you mean?” I asked. “A guy could be thinking about nothing? How is it possible to not think about a thing?” I could not believe it. All of a sudden I saw the look on my sons face every time I would ask him if something was wrong because he was staring at something. To me, that meant he was thinking about something that was bothering him. That’s what it would have been to me… “Maybe I should I do this, or that, or I wonder if I should change around the furniture in the other room”… get it? Just always thinking something. I was flabbergasted! FULL POST
Posted 4/19/16 at 11:10 AM | Marianne Kurtz
I don't think it's a mid life crisis. I think it's more like my kids are grown and I have no idea who I am again. This is where the whole "as I find myself came from" except it was because I was finding myself as they were growing. Then I found it very different once tony left and I had the son home that has more of the part of me that likes to be alone...so I found myself alone! Like...really alone!
Day in and day out. Alone.
No one to talk to but my dog. Then I have to find myself again. So, if you have the money you maybe buy a new car, or a woman might get a boob job...because what did we do with time before we had families and were so busy we couldn't see past one day! Now those same days that we grew into as teenagers and young adults, we are left with as 40-50 years olds with no clue how to fill our days! I spent many many days doing yoga and getting very concerned that I stretch very specific muscles. This is just my thoughts on its opportunity not midlife crisis But it took me a while to see that!
Posted 4/11/16 at 10:00 AM | Marianne Kurtz
I feel like a new journey is beginning beginning of a new adventure. A new and improved time with God, a new and improved time with family, and a new and improved time of friendship. I go to bed at night and can't wait to get up in the morning and it's not because things changed around me. But is changed inside. From a conversation I had with my son about me wanting to be married. It's a personal conversation but I'm going to share it because it made me see something In me that only his truth could let me see.
Posted 4/5/16 at 9:38 AM | Marianne Kurtz
One of the things that I see that baffles me, is seeing adults who do not know how to share.
I do understand that there is a certain amount of respect that is held for things that we own and have spent money on. In this training scenario I taught my sons to not only share but to learn to respect what I have purchased for them. In other words, they had to also learn to be respectful of others things as they would want someone to respect their things.
This training scenario I found completely and totally necessary when I trained them to share their toys. At this point in our lives I was a full-time nanny to two other children where my job was to continue this same training that the mother was doing at night during the day. She didn’t want to put them in daycare and have everything that she was doing be undone daily so I stepped in and would train them along with mine, so I was training four kids ages 4, 3, 2, and 1 at this point. I do not exactly remember the ages but they are all 1 year a part so that’s what I have figured. FULL POST
Posted 3/29/16 at 11:48 AM | Marianne Kurtz
By definition a contract is a binding agreement between parties.
As my children were growing in their obedience and I was growing in my patience, there were several times when I felt a contract would help there be cooperation between the three of us. I can't believe I'm going to tell on myself like this...honest and real!
The first time I did this was when they became old enough to understand, which was just a few years after I first started disciplining them. I can only tell about this if I tell the whole story, so here it is...
As I have said in earlier blogs or maybe in my book that is coming out (I honestly don't recall) but I was not raised the way I ended up raising my boys. My parents just did not have a revelation of "Spare the rod, spoil the child" like I did. I mean they spanked us but a lot of times they were pretty upset. Don't get me wrong they did by no means beat my brother and I. Continuing my story...I had a pretty bad temper and when I would forget to be consistent I would sometimes lose my temper; this did not mean I beat my children, it just means it wasn't the right way (see my blog on "Impart Peace, Not Anger"). FULL POST