Single mom for 18 years of two AMAZING sons! Ready for the next step in life! Bring it on so I can write about it! I think that being honest with yourself is important. Honest about what you’re
Posted 3/22/16 at 11:22 AM | Marianne Kurtz
I must say one of the things that was very challenging for me through the years was consistency. It is challenging to stay consistent in a lot of things in life...exercise, cooking (that might just be me), etc...you get the idea. There were many times throughout training that I would find myself saying over and over "If you do that again I am going to spank you" and next thing you know I am in anger and would be tempted to think 'it's not working'.
Now, I'm not sure if you are reading this because you already spank your children and just need encouragement or if you were like me and took the opposite approach in the beginning and then realized that spanking is the resolve that God intended. Spare the rod spoil the child. I, of course, can only speak of the latter which means that I would get frustrated because I seemed to say "I'm going to spank you if you do that again" instead of just spanking. The bottom line is they already know what is expected and our lovely children are just still going to try to get us to do things their way. It is much less frustrating and much more beneficial to our children to simply spank each and every time because they really do know what is right and wrong. FULL POST
Posted 3/15/16 at 11:54 AM | Marianne Kurtz
Dating and SVU
Some of you may not know what SVU is but it is literally my favorite tv show. Law and Order Special Victims Unit, yep and now the theme is stuck in your head if you’re a fan.
Here’s the thing…when you have watched as much of that as I have EVERY situation feels like a potential SVU moment. I actually have them often and it’s kind of fun to think how a piece of paper may have fallen of your car and then a crime happened after and that paper lead to my finger print and the SVU department comes knocking on my door! WHAT?? Just saying…that would be just a little fun…in retrospect, of course.
What isn’t fun is when you enter into a dating situation that is very much like an SVU moment. Here was mine…I went to meet with some people at a house and I was going to be pretty late but when I showed up there was only 2 guys and me! What?? Ummmmmmmm. So I sit down and immediately text my friend the address to where I am at and just send a text hey, I’m out with some people…here is my address. OK…smart, right? Yep. FULL POST
Posted 3/7/16 at 3:39 PM | Marianne Kurtz
I taught my boys from the very beginning that they were not allowed to lie. This has been a tricky thing to teach because even if you know they are lying you don't want to call them a liar you really want them to admit it themselves that they are not being honest. As parents we have to remember that we don't want to browbeat our children into admitting that they lied. The goal here is that they have a conscience that will be easily susceptible to the prompting the Holy Ghost.
I have a great story about a time when my youngest lied and it was so small and maybe to any other parent it wouldn't have been a big deal but the Holy Ghost would not let him get away with it.
My boys would always come in on my bed and sit and we would share our days with each other. In the way early years we had "tea time" almost every night (and we still have tea time about once a month) but at this time I would normally call them in to talk. This particular time I used a word that I don't normally use, it wasn't on purpose but the Holy Ghost knew that this lying needed to be taken care of. I said, "come on guys when you're done come sit not he bed and let's chat." I NEVER said that before "let's chat" even when I said it I remember thinking how odd it was for me to say that. Anyway, neither of them answered me and my youngest (Tony) was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and Jacob was in the kitchen but the bathroom was right next to my bedroom. Jacob asked what I said and Tony answered him that he didn't know. I knew that Tony heard me and I asked him to give him a chance to admit that he heard me and was just choosing to be disobedient but he again said he didn't hear me. I didn't want to force him but deep inside I knew he knew...so I then said, "come on guys when you're done come sit on my bed so we can talk." Jacob said, "What?" and Tony answered, "Mom wants us to come and "chat" with her". At this point there was no turning back...I had been up over 24 hours because of church, work and school at the time I was very busy, but now I couldn't let this go it was too obvious that he lied. I asked him why he lied and said he didn't hear me and he insisted he did not lie - after a very long discussion - he finally admitted it. We are talking about 2-3 hours it took to break that off him - he finally broke when I told him that the devil would like to get a foothold in their lives by any means possible and this foothold would be just the beginning of a life of getting away with lies and deceit and that is not the kind of life they want. FULL POST
Posted 3/1/16 at 10:09 AM | Marianne Kurtz
Every parent, I think, at one time or another questions their parenting at one point or another. And I think that’s healthy to a certain degree. I mean, if you never check yourself than you will never know if you are doing something wrong.
One way is if it makes you happy to spank your children, than you probably need to check yourself. When my boys were wayyyyyy younger, like 2 and 4 when I first starting spanking, because before that I didn’t necessarily think spanking was the right way to go, I was spanking my oldest and I had this actual grieving in my heart. I didn’t always have this. I used to control myself but secretly be thinking “you deserve this” I know that sounds mean but I’m just being honest. Now I didn’t lose control, spanking were administered very soundly.
1. Take them into the other room
2. Explain why they are getting spanked and make sure they understand. When they are young this is very simple, “You must obey Mommy”
3. Spank them with a paddle, I don’t believe in using your hand.
4. Hold them on your lap and rock them, you don’t even have to talk just love on them. This used to confuse me because I thought that this would teach them that doing something wrong would get them this attention but, a very wise woman (Allison – my mentor) explained that as long as I love my kids throughout the day, every day, they would not get confused. AND it worked.
5. Then I give them the words to say to teach them how to apologize. “Mommy, I’m sorry I did not obey you.” And I say, “I forgive you”. FULL POST
Posted 2/15/16 at 5:31 PM | Marianne Kurtz
I found myself here again the past week. Blowing out of proportion things that are said, letting my imagination get away from me and even if not out loud, definitely in my head, accusing and mentally trying not to cuss out stupid people!
What qualifies as stupid people during this time?? EVERYONE who is not me! And the whole time thinking…God, please let my female vitamins come soon because feeling this way is stressing me out. Why does everyone want to piss me off right now??
Oh and I better not look in the mirror or try on any clothes right now…because then there will be hell to pay and it won’t matter if you came from my womb or the FedEx man dropped you off on my doorstep! You are all going to die if you say ONE WRONG WORD!
Well, my son who is in California, he did just that! He said the wrong thing and for days we would talk and could not get around this. I kept trying to see it in a different light, but it was not working. I did everything I knew I could do: FULL POST
Posted 2/6/16 at 8:46 PM | Marianne Kurtz
Never good enough. Never pretty enough. Never good enough!
Yep. I was bulimic. Yes. I guess I have experienced body dysmorphia, if you absolutely MUST give it a name, which I hate. And, yes. I am still walking this out. One thing that I found, that helped me more than anything, was asking God to show me what others saw, because I could never see it. I don’t know how the image in the mirror can be so completely distorted. But, I was a size 3 and when I would see something different in the mirror I would just think somehow…this is what a size 3 looks like. So, the clothes would fit…it’s really hard to explain. I have not talked to anyone but God about this…so I’m not sure what the “mainstream” diagnosis is. Obviously, not going to find that here!
The point is…that when I asked God to show me what others saw in me. Because, I had people tell me all the time how beautiful I was, how I had lost so much weight, and they would say these things and I would nod and smile. When I looked in the mirror…NOTHING what they would see. I saw a much larger body, a face with so many flaws…like my eyes would just float to the flaws and only to the flaws and my hair…well…actually my hair was pretty cool looking, for its day! FULL POST
Posted 2/6/16 at 6:05 PM | Marianne Kurtz
I thought my life would have gone so different.
I had this really great picture in my mind, I got the whole plan.
When my boys were young I made the decision to live single because I didn’t want a bunch of men in and out of my boys’ lives while I try and find the right one. I thought I would raise them and then right around the end of them being with me God would bring my man, delivered to my doorstep, and the boys would be happy and all is sound on the Kurtz home front.
Well, that is not at all how it has worked out.
My son joined the Navy, definitely not what I thought would happened when they were little and I made this great plan! My other son is still with me and I am very thankful for that and I am obviously still single. I am…mmmmm...mostly…content being single. I go through times, and there have been very long periods of time, when I enjoy being single and want to get my own place that has things that my boys can’t break or ruin by sleeping on my new yellow couch with a blue pen!!! And then there are times, they are usually shorter, that I long to be with the right man. But, this loneliness that is from so deep down within has NEVER lingered that long. FULL POST
Posted 2/2/16 at 6:14 AM | Marianne Kurtz
It's never too late to teach it's never too late to train.
I have always taught my kids that just because we didn't have enough to get what they wanted or do what they want as a kid does not mean hey have to stop striving towards that.
My older son always wanted karate but with my work schedule and the financial status of our life, I could never do it for him. But what makes only what I can do for him his only option? Totally doesn't! He still has his whole life!
So, listen do your best, don't feel "the Jone's" pressure.Teach your kids that it's never too late. It's never too late to learn karate, to learn to skate, to take voice lessons, piano lessons, to have a dog (I got my first dog at age 43!), and it's never too late in life to learn anything new! We should always strive to do more, learn more, be more.
When I am teaching them it's never too late I also include how the mistakes they make today and the decision they think they are old enough to make...well, they aren't! I mean, scientifically people! Our kids decision making faculties of their brains aren't even fully mature until AT LEAST 25!! And that's for the quick developing. So, get married, have babies, leave the scene of an accident (oh! That's just the decision that two members of my family made that are now living with me-not because of that-remember household change thing that happened), anyway! Any big decisions should always be run through an adult...just to have a sound mind to talk things through with. A mature mind! FULL POST
Posted 1/26/16 at 9:46 AM | Marianne Kurtz
It's easy to say what you believe in behind closed doors but what about when you are out in public. As the world gets louder about what they believe in it's time that Christians and parents who believe in spanking, (not beating their kids) controlled discipline, speak up for what the Bible says.
Too many opinions about it not being the correct way to discipline! It is the Christian way and IT does work when consistent and not done in anger. As Christians we cannot just sit back and watch the world tell us how to raise our children when the answer lies in the Word not the world.
The problem has been not being consistent which in turn leads to anger in discipline and that is where the problem begins because then you get mad and see red. Don't beat them down with words or an object or your hands, Train them up in peace, love and the rod of correction - Most call this the paddle! ! It is better to walk away and take a breather from any situation if you are angry and get over it before dealing with it...disciplining children should be no different. Walk away for a moment; don't keep saying stupid stuff and expect things to not blow up in your face. Take a moment, get over it, think reasonably and then deal with it in peace. If you spank in anger you impart anger; spank in peace and surety that you know "Spare the Rod..." then you impart peace. It works! FULL POST
Posted 1/19/16 at 10:32 AM | Marianne Kurtz
I really have no other way of beginning the training then by sharing some of my own scenarios and then later explaining how they played out. I already told you about the Barney show and how I trained Jacob to answer when I called him no matter what he was doing. I do think I need to elaborate at bit more on that subject. You will learn by experience that what I am about to tell you will happen in many areas and when it does you’ll think, ‘I read this in that parenting blog and I am NOT going to get frustrated, I’m just going to continue being consistent because she said this would happen.’ It’s ok you can laugh out loud (LOL) at that especially when it happens.
We got through the initial ‘Barney training’ (http://blogs.christianpost.com/the-diary-of-a-single-mom/train-them-up-dont-beat-them-down-26674/) but that was not all there was to it because for some reason answering when I called him it suddenly did not apply to when he was playing so I had to run the whole training again. In the time following it would happen about once in each situation however, not for his brother growing up seeing Jacob get spanked for this he just knew, plus I taught them to warn each other to listen so they won’t get spanked. They were not allowed to be happy about the other getting spanked or they would both get spanked. Our saying from the word of God was, “Am I my brother’s keeper? YES” Eventually the answering when I call became answering, “Coming” and get up and come to me because I soon found out that just answering led to more loud communication like, “Come here” and they would answer, “What?” and so and so forth. Needless to say I had to evolve the training to what suited our lives. FULL POST