Single mom for 18 years of two AMAZING sons! Ready for the next step in life! Bring it on so I can write about it! I think that being honest with yourself is important. Honest about what you’re
Posted 1/12/16 at 2:01 PM | Marianne Kurtz
It gets easier, at least he’s not dead, etc…all the stupid things that people say when your kid joins the military. All of this is true but please don’t say these things to a mom who just sent her child into the military. I know we’ve learned the “rules” about when someone dies but I can testify that the feelings you feel when your child joins the military are like the experience of death. Saying these things do not help and they don’t make it feel better they actually make you feel like you are losing your mind or so different from other people that there is something wrong with you…that would be how I thought anyway. And although they might be true, does not mean they should be said.
I didn’t do the research about this “empty nest syndrome” and I didn’t even once think I might ever go through it and I do still have one son at home (and the two that now stay with me) so I don’t know what is out there to be said by others. But, what I do know is what I felt. Let’s just be clear that I am doing much better now. My son left for San Diego last Thursday and I only melted into my bed for that night and ½ of the next day…that is better. I did allow myself that time…no one would want to be seen without a smile on their face, right?? I’m Just saying that I had a really hard time when my son left. GOT IT? FULL POST
Posted 12/30/15 at 7:24 AM | Marianne Kurtz
This is quite a BIG subject matter.
The bible says in 1 Samuel 15:23 says, “rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry."
That seems pretty clear but, maybe you are not one that believes the Old Testament is for today. Then look at it this way: Merriam-Webster dictionary defines rebellion as “an opposition to one in authority or dominance”-plain and simple.
Someone that is trying to do things their own way not how the person who has authority wants it to be, that is rebellion. Witchcraft, in the real sense of the word, is using powers or irresistible influence to get what you want. Our job as parents is to know that when we say Yes or No it is a MORE sure thing than what our child wants at the time. So, no bending the rules, no “but he/she is so cute I can’t resist giving in”, just stick to what you say. If you said no to ice cream because they whined, then it has to stay no to ice cream until they behave the way you expect them to. FULL POST
Posted 12/22/15 at 11:32 AM | Marianne Kurtz
Recently the dynamics of house has changed and I have had my nephew and my younger cousin come live with me!
What a change in my life! I went from a single mom who taught my kids and worked and am still basically teaching them how to be adults to a new “mom” or the “accountable” party to two 18 year olds AGAIN! How could this have happened??!!
I find myself in the kitchen teaching them how to ask each other simple questions like, “______, are you able to give me a ride to work today?” and the other answering and actually asking the questions instead of assuming the plans and I pick up the pieces! That is not a good thing to someone who already raised their “teenage adults”.
Meanwhile in the background…my son is laughing because he is hysterically remembering me teaching them how to ask each other questions instead of assuming the answer.
Two of the most impactful things parts of parenting are life-lessons that all humans will learn so if we can get our children a head start by instilling how to be consistent in what you believe and mean and how to mean what you say and say what you mean! This is a biblical principle. FULL POST
Posted 12/15/15 at 12:11 PM | Marianne Kurtz
Many years ago I made up my mind not to send my kids to their room as punishment...this also benefited me in the long run, because when mom needed time alone or they wanted to play their room was never a place of punishment.
I NEVER want them to feel like I didn’t want them around - they needed to know I love them no matter what they do - spanking (not in anger) does not mean lack of love.
Colossians 3:21 "Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits" (The message).
I really could not figure out what it taught them except what can I do when mom is not looking and idle time does not really do a thing for them - come on really they are not thinking about what they did wrong unless it's an easy fix to get out of there...and it just opens the door wide open for the devil to fill their head with lies. If anyone is going to be talking to them - it's gonna be the word of god. it's the only cure, the only solution. Idle time is not conducive -
Ephesians 5:15-17 "not walking as fools, but wise... redeeming our time...understanding what the will of the lord is" FULL POST
Posted 12/8/15 at 10:06 AM | Marianne Kurtz
Sex as a weapon…
I have realized something about myself that only I could really realize in being 100% completely honest with myself…whew! That wore me out!
As a single parent there has been no one who checked me…put me in check. Ya know what I mean? I was a determined single parent who was going to raise my boys in the way that seemed right to me. That is precisely what I did! They turned out great…so far! I’m sure they’ll be fine.
What I noticed was that during this season in my life I would have times of doing things that people didn’t know about…it wasn’t meant to be a secret but it was like I had this other side of me that was like a release button. I would sometimes go dancing and maybe have a drink or two (nothing wrong with that but frowned upon by the Christian community), I would sometimes overspend on clothes/shoes for me, but one of the things that I would do or fight doing more than anything was having sex…it always served as a great release button for me…yes, even more than shopping. FULL POST
Posted 12/1/15 at 4:29 PM | Marianne Kurtz
I'm getting through…
The holidays have always been a challenge but the past 2 years have been an especially big challenge for me. My son joined the navy and everything that I was knew to be normal joined the Navy with him. Meaning…the Saturday morning Starbucks and Village Inn breakfasts with either all 3 of us or just him and I. The all-day shopping in Destin and drinking Starbucks, the sitting around the house on a Saturday morning and then Jacob gets off work and we all just talk about everything! These things will never be the same. The problem is that I have no idea what I want in the future. I had it all planned out. I would give my life for the boys to be raised without people going in and out of their lives, I’d teach them how to guard their heart from being hurt, I’d guide them in every direction that I could that was a good direction without controlling them so that they can have the best of everything without all the hurt. These were my plans. Then when they were old enough to leave home I’d be married and transition right into a life with my husband where we travel and enjoy life…apparently this is my fairy tale! FULL POST
Posted 11/17/15 at 11:51 AM | Marianne Kurtz
When is it enough time to get over a child going into the military? This is an open-ended question everytime you tell someone that your son joined the Navy. Maybe I shouldn't say "you" I should just call it like it is...everytime "I" tell someone that my son joined the Navy. I'm not supposed to cry, I'm not supposed to feel pain because it's been ONE WHOLE YEAR since he has been gone.
Well, I'm sorry to say but it still hurts and I still cry!!! and if you don't like it, don't ask how I'm doing or how he is doing because chances are I'm going to cry...oh wait, you don't ask!
Friendships come back and then a picture is posted on FB of him on a ship and I am not ok seeing this! Maybe you think I should be but, I'm not! When I look I see a big world and my small son...does that make me crazy? Does that make me emotional? Do I think joining the Navy and verge of menopause should go hand in hand? HELL NO!! to all three! Well, except emotional, I do get emotional, and you know what? That's all right! FULL POST
Posted 11/10/15 at 9:19 AM | Marianne Kurtz
LET THE TRAINING BEGIN
I really have no other way of beginning the training then by sharing some of my own scenarios and then later explaining how they played out. I already told you about the Barney show and how I trained Jacob to answer when I called him no matter what he was doing. I do think I need to elaborate at bit more on that subject. You will learn by experience that what I am about to tell you will happen in many areas and when it does you’ll think, ‘I read that in Marianne’s book and so I’m not going to get frustrated, I’m just going to continue being consistent because she said this would happen.” It’s ok you can laugh out loud (LOL) at that especially when it happens.
We got through the initial ‘Barney training’ but that was not all there was to it because for some reason answering when I called him it suddenly did not apply to when he was playing so I had to run the whole training again. In the time following it would happen about once in each situation however, not for his brother growing up seeing Jacob get spanked for this he just knew plus I taught them to warn each other to listen so they won’t get spanked. They were not allowed to be happy about the other getting spanked or they would both get spanked. Our saying from the word of God was, “Am I my brother’s keeper? YES” Eventually the answering when I call became them saying, “Coming” and then get up and come to me. Because I soon found out that just answering led to loud communication like, “Come here” and they would answer, “What?” and so forth and so on. Needless to say I had to evolve the training to what suited our lives. FULL POST
Posted 11/3/15 at 10:28 AM | Marianne Kurtz
When we become a part of the Kingdom of God we are just that – part of a kingdom. In a kingdom the parents raise the children to be respectful of, honor, and serve the king. In the same manner, when you are part of the Kingdom of God we teach our children to love, honor, respect, and obey God. We are the doorway through which that respect and honor is tramitted. Teach our children to love, honor, and respectfully obey us, as their parents, and that will transpire to the same with God.
Through the years consistency had to remain intact. Last week I told of a the story of Jacob not hearing me when I called and getting him to the point of obedience. In doing so, there had to remain consistency on my part meaning that if he did not answer when I called he would get spanked on first offense, not 1 -2 -3 and then spanking. If you use that method you are basically teaching your child that instant obedience is not necessary they can disobey three times and then they can listen; if you want a child that you always have to repeat it three times then use that method but I definitely did not want that, why would I when I could have instant first time obedience if that is what I train them for. FULL POST
Posted 10/27/15 at 9:01 AM | Marianne Kurtz
As I have watched my boys grow up, they are now 23 & 21, I cannot help but remember where I started from...One is in the Navy and the other is paving his own path as an author, game designer, and entrepreneur.
It was in 1995 that I found myself a single parent of two children that I tried to have joy being around but they just did not listen to anything I said. My cry for help to God was one of utter frustration.
I knew when I was pregnant with my oldest son that although I was not in a place in my life where having a child was a great choice I knew two things: 1) He would never go to public school and 2) I would raise them in the way they should go even though I was nowhere near the right way to go.
At this point in my life I had no way of knowing how to achieve either of those two things and low and behold 3 years later I did not like even being around them very much because they seemed to ignore everything I said. If I said, “Pick up your toys” I would end up doing it and in my head I was showing them how, even though after three years of saying the same thing I could not figure out how they possibly did not know how to do it themselves by now. FULL POST