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Be Consistent and Direct

Tue, Dec. 22, 2015 Posted: 11:32 AM


Recently the dynamics of house has changed and I have had my nephew and my younger cousin come live with me!

What a change in my life! I went from a single mom who taught my kids and worked and am still basically teaching them how to be adults to a new “mom” or the “accountable” party to two 18 year olds AGAIN! How could this have happened??!!

I find myself in the kitchen teaching them how to ask each other simple questions like, “______, are you able to give me a ride to work today?” and the other answering and actually asking the questions instead of assuming the plans and I pick up the pieces! That is not a good thing to someone who already raised their “teenage adults”.

Meanwhile in the background…my son is laughing because he is hysterically remembering me teaching them how to ask each other questions instead of assuming the answer.

Two of the most impactful things parts of parenting are life-lessons that all humans will learn so if we can get our children a head start by instilling how to be consistent in what you believe and mean and how to mean what you say and say what you mean! This is a biblical principle.

The Message translation
Matthew 5:33 “And don't say anything you don’t mean” 37 “In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.”

This seems like a pretty easy step, right? But, when the pressure of the face of someone you love is staring at you for something that is wanted and, as a parent, it is not a good choice at the time...Oh, let’s say like chocolate at bedtime or a friends to stay the night. If that look succeeds in getting his/her own way, that is manipulation. Because we are teachers to our children and show them the way we have to be consistent. Letting them get their own way when it’s not a good choice or not a good time to do something that might otherwise be ok is letting them manipulate, therefore we are responsible for teaching them “when I say no, it’s no; when I say yes, yes”.

In regards to “retraining adult teenagers” this is also teaching them the way to live their lives and be respected and respect others.

Then the MOST important is to be Consistent

As parents, we are the example to our children -use this time as preparation time for not only the children but, ourselves.

NIV
2 Timothy 4:2 “Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. “

The most difficult part about this step is being instant “in season and out of season”. No matter when it might be disciplining our children must be the most important part of life. We are responsible and held accountable for training them.

I have found that all the way through the years even in my own life consistency must be practiced. without it we are a confused mess...it's no wonder a child acts up when a parent disciplines sometimes for not cleaning their room, disciplines sometimes for yelling back, disciplines sometimes for disobedience. When disciplining is not consistent how will the child know if what they are doing is the right or the wrong?

How do we teach our children to be consistent?

We have to be consistent by letting our yes be yes and our no be no as well as setting a standard for obedience.

You might be like me and think "OMG! If i start training in complete consistency all I am going to be doing is disciplining my children". The answer is yes, that's exactly the case - for a while but, it gets easier - they grow up - you see the light. Now, when you see the light don’t stop - be consistent!

That would be like someone who wants to lose 15 lbs and works out and diets and loses 7 and then feels the difference and eats and watches tv - what happens? Yep, they gain it back and gotta start all over. hhhhhmmmmmmm...make sense so far?

Trust me - if they get the same result every time the action is done, they will get it.

On the flip side, if a child gets a different result sometimes and then sometimes yet another result - they will take the chance and keep testing that fence like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Looking at you intimidatingly until you do what they want you to do! Don’t fall for it! Stay your ground! You can do it! Walk away, laugh, cry, think they’re cute…but, stand your ground and be consistent. It pays off in the end.

Marianne Kurtz