Print Blog Article

Communication is Also Key

Mon, Apr. 25, 2016 Posted: 08:15 AM

Communication is Key as well…

One of the main things I always say is that consistency is key and it is true, consistency is key but, communication is key as well.

A friend of mine asked that I write about this.

My sons and I have always had great communication. From when they were small, I tried to teach them to not be afraid to communicate. I’m not talking about sharing emotions and that type thing. What I mean is this…

When my oldest was about 14 or maybe 15 I had an amazing discovery happen. It was a typical day at work and my coworker was getting married soon and was reading this book, I do not know the name, and was telling me about this part in the book where the author said that a man and a woman can be staring at like a doorknob and the woman has the potential to be thinking about a million things, but the man has the potential to be thinking about nothing at all. My coworker continued to talk about the book but I was stuck. “What do you mean?” I asked. “A guy could be thinking about nothing? How is it possible to not think about a thing?” I could not believe it. All of a sudden I saw the look on my sons face every time I would ask him if something was wrong because he was staring at something. To me, that meant he was thinking about something that was bothering him. That’s what it would have been to me… “Maybe I should I do this, or that, or I wonder if I should change around the furniture in the other room”… get it? Just always thinking something. I was flabbergasted!

I went home and took my son in the other room to talk to him…

Now, this is where I can see maybe a difference in communication…our communication, one of the strong foundations, was to never be afraid to admit that I make mistakes, I’m not the perfect mom but I will always give it my best shot and sometimes that meant owning it! I screwed up and I am sorry!

…We are in my room and I proceed to tell him what happened that day (the story above) and he gets this look on his face, like WOW! My mom finally gets me!!! I then find out that he used to make things up so that I would stop asking him what was wrong. WHAT??? But, I am glad that he told me, he should never be afraid to tell me things.

I haven't always handled every situatoin with such patience...sometimes it takes us a while to figure out what is going on but, the facts always remained the same. If I was at any kind of fault, I admitted it even if it took me a while to figure it out. Own it when you're wrong and you're teaching your children to do the same. Then any mistakes they may make they can receive forgiveness and forgive themselves more easily. Never any condemnation or at least a tool that will help them fight it.

Marianne Kurtz