The Diary of A Single Mom
7/25/16 at 11:19 AM 0 Comments

Insecurities Suck! (As I Find Myself)

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The Frustration of Insecurities!

Insecurity can come in many different forms but being insecure about people loving you is possibly the bottom line.

I remember back to the days when I believed what people told me, the words “I love you” had meaning and a purity to it. Now, I’m not sure if it’s just the years of hearing people say it and then leave that same love behind for the smallest reasons (sometimes also in the name of love) or if those words are just thrown around like its nothing. Kind of funny that I used to think it was such a special sentence to hear and now it’s just a phrase “Luv ya”, “love ya”, I heart you, however you say it…and I am guilty too. I have definitely said it too prematurely but I feel like I’ve finally learned not to throw it around like it is just a phrase.

Fast forward 20 years and I even doubt my kids love me…why is that? I know they do…that’s how ridiculous it is. Insecurity: lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt

And that is exactly what it is…the feeling that if I mess up I will no longer have love from that person. I guess we all have been jaded at some point in our lives. Love left us hanging and crying and making hang up calls, and drive-bys…but, really it was because we felt that something we did caused that person to stop loving us. I mean that’s my story and I am sticking to it.

There are several ways that insecurities from my past haunt me every day…maybe some of us can relate…

The first thing I think when I mess up, in any relationship, is that that thing I did or said, whatever it was, will be held over my head in some manner. Is that what I do? Is that why I think that? Woa! Time to be aware and change that! Seriously, just had that discovery writing this blog

The Second thing I feel when something I did has the potential to change a relationship is that that person will take their love from me and that would hurt me so deeply how could I ever let that love in again…it’s like just asking for pain then. So, when LOVE is used, it should be used wisely.
                    Fool me once, Shame on you
                       Fool me twice, Shame on me

Then I go into this mode of FIX IT! Make it right, make them believe that is not the real me that did that stupid thing. And I mean it could be anything so small as getting more upset than a situation would warrant. Now this is what any abuser does when they have abused the person they love and the person that trusts them with their heart, they overcompensate.

Is there some magic fix, some cure? I wish it were that simple. But the best I can do is what the Word of God says to do:

“8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. (Phil 4:8)”

Also, I have to keep telling myself is that if a person doesn’t love me for who I AM than that’s not love because I don’t want to NOT be who I am. However, for love’s sake we will change things about ourselves…let’s just make sure they are things we can uphold and continue doing. But, saying all of this and practicing it are two very different things.

Insecurity to meTo feel that you can never live up to someone’s expectations of me is the bottom line.

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