Maybe this is something you have asked yourself, maybe it's not. But, I have constantly for the last 2 years...Who am I? What do I want to be when I grow up?...that is what is on my wall!
I said something to my son today that made me think this is exactly what is going on. He is doing his own taxes on a ship while deployed….what??? I thought for sure he would still need me for this. Come on! I’m an accountant, I’m your mom, I’m handy to have around. But, he clearly is finding himself in this world and wants to be a whole young man and lead his own life. I’m….good….with….that….ummmmmm. YEA! Actually, I really am! But, what I said back to him was it was fine, “I am learning to grow into my own person too…it’s just taking longer because it was unexpected.” I didn’t realize how much of my life was wrapped around my sons. Everything I did I did for them. I worked hard…for them. I cleaned up…after them. I didn’t date…because of the time I wanted to spend with them. I cooked…Now that I didn’t do! Haha! I did teach them how.
In saying that to my son, I really realized that is exactly what is happening. I am finding out who I am all over again. I thought I knew, and I still know that part of me is real, but there is more. From this point forward to look forward to what is new in me and finding out what I want to be when I grow up too!
The possibilities are just as endless for a 46 year old mom as they are for when I was 20! I can do whatever I want, become whatever I want, I can go back to school, I can work 60 hours a week, I can travel, I can do anything. But first, I am going to sit right here and enjoy this coffee and reminisce about my life as a full-time mom!
What I don't understand, is that people look for fresh starts and when our kids grow, we have one! Then why is it so hard to see that? I have been struggling with it for 2 1/2 years to see that it is a good thing. I even thought that maybe the solution was that I should've had more kids...but, my sons disagree! They say 2 was my maximum. WHAT? At least I raised them to be honest.