Parenting

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Posted 4/19/16 at 7:54 PM | Trace Embry

How to Address the Problem of Self Injurious Behavior

The problem of self-injurious behavior in the lives of our teens is a tough topic to discuss.

Millions claim cutting themselves relieves their pain.

Picture Provided by mattwalker69

What pain? It’s the pain that comes from the chaos and insecurity of a life without boundaries and no one to enforce them.

In general, kids who cut on themselves are most often those who’ve been exposed to, and engaged in, excessive sinful activity without intervention.

My theory is that today’s teenagers who struggle with cutting themselves are trying to, without being cognitively aware of it, atone for their own sin. All they know is that their own shed blood makes things feel better.

Teenage cutting and self-injurious behavior is an epidemic today!

This ought to tell us that something is radically wrong with our entire culture.

If cutting is an issue with your child, seek help! Without being accusatory, assure your child that Jesus Christ has already shed His blood for the sins of the whole world–including all of theirs. FULL POST

Posted 4/19/16 at 11:10 AM | Marianne Kurtz

Midlife Crisis? No Way!

I don't think it's a mid life crisis. I think it's more like my kids are grown and I have no idea who I am again. This is where the whole "as I find myself came from" except it was because I was finding myself as they were growing. Then I found it very different once tony left and I had the son home that has more of the part of me that likes to be alone...so I found myself alone! Like...really alone!

Day in and day out. Alone.

No one to talk to but my dog. Then I have to find myself again. So, if you have the money you maybe buy a new car, or a woman might get a boob job...because what did we do with time before we had families and were so busy we couldn't see past one day! Now those same days that we grew into as teenagers and young adults, we are left with as 40-50 years olds with no clue how to fill our days! I spent many many days doing yoga and getting very concerned that I stretch very specific muscles. This is just my thoughts on its opportunity not midlife crisis But it took me a while to see that!

Posted 4/11/16 at 10:00 AM | Marianne Kurtz

A New Journey

I feel like a new journey is beginning beginning of a new adventure. A new and improved time with God, a new and improved time with family, and a new and improved time of friendship. I go to bed at night and can't wait to get up in the morning and it's not because things changed around me. But is changed inside. From a conversation I had with my son about me wanting to be married. It's a personal conversation but I'm going to share it because it made me see something In me that only his truth could let me see.

A New Journey

Posted 4/5/16 at 9:38 AM | Marianne Kurtz

Training for Sharing

One of the things that I see that baffles me, is seeing adults who do not know how to share.

I do understand that there is a certain amount of respect that is held for things that we own and have spent money on. In this training scenario I taught my sons to not only share but to learn to respect what I have purchased for them. In other words, they had to also learn to be respectful of others things as they would want someone to respect their things.

This training scenario I found completely and totally necessary when I trained them to share their toys. At this point in our lives I was a full-time nanny to two other children where my job was to continue this same training that the mother was doing at night during the day. She didn’t want to put them in daycare and have everything that she was doing be undone daily so I stepped in and would train them along with mine, so I was training four kids ages 4, 3, 2, and 1 at this point. I do not exactly remember the ages but they are all 1 year a part so that’s what I have figured. FULL POST

Posted 3/29/16 at 11:48 AM | Marianne Kurtz

Contracts With Your Children

By definition a contract is a binding agreement between parties.

As my children were growing in their obedience and I was growing in my patience, there were several times when I felt a contract would help there be cooperation between the three of us. I can't believe I'm going to tell on myself like this...honest and real!

The first time I did this was when they became old enough to understand, which was just a few years after I first started disciplining them. I can only tell about this if I tell the whole story, so here it is...

As I have said in earlier blogs or maybe in my book that is coming out (I honestly don't recall) but I was not raised the way I ended up raising my boys. My parents just did not have a revelation of "Spare the rod, spoil the child" like I did. I mean they spanked us but a lot of times they were pretty upset. Don't get me wrong they did by no means beat my brother and I. Continuing my story...I had a pretty bad temper and when I would forget to be consistent I would sometimes lose my temper; this did not mean I beat my children, it just means it wasn't the right way (see my blog on "Impart Peace, Not Anger"). FULL POST

Posted 3/22/16 at 11:22 AM | Marianne Kurtz

Continuing in Consistency

I must say one of the things that was very challenging for me through the years was consistency. It is challenging to stay consistent in a lot of things in life...exercise, cooking (that might just be me), etc...you get the idea. There were many times throughout training that I would find myself saying over and over "If you do that again I am going to spank you" and next thing you know I am in anger and would be tempted to think 'it's not working'.

Now, I'm not sure if you are reading this because you already spank your children and just need encouragement or if you were like me and took the opposite approach in the beginning and then realized that spanking is the resolve that God intended. Spare the rod spoil the child. I, of course, can only speak of the latter which means that I would get frustrated because I seemed to say "I'm going to spank you if you do that again" instead of just spanking. The bottom line is they already know what is expected and our lovely children are just still going to try to get us to do things their way. It is much less frustrating and much more beneficial to our children to simply spank each and every time because they really do know what is right and wrong. FULL POST

Posted 3/15/16 at 11:54 AM | Marianne Kurtz

Dating and SVU

Dating and SVU

Some of you may not know what SVU is but it is literally my favorite tv show. Law and Order Special Victims Unit, yep and now the theme is stuck in your head if you’re a fan.

Here’s the thing…when you have watched as much of that as I have EVERY situation feels like a potential SVU moment. I actually have them often and it’s kind of fun to think how a piece of paper may have fallen of your car and then a crime happened after and that paper lead to my finger print and the SVU department comes knocking on my door! WHAT?? Just saying…that would be just a little fun…in retrospect, of course.

What isn’t fun is when you enter into a dating situation that is very much like an SVU moment. Here was mine…I went to meet with some people at a house and I was going to be pretty late but when I showed up there was only 2 guys and me! What?? Ummmmmmmm. So I sit down and immediately text my friend the address to where I am at and just send a text hey, I’m out with some people…here is my address. OK…smart, right? Yep. FULL POST

Posted 3/11/16 at 10:04 AM | Brian Wallace

Can Augmented Reality Improve Education?

We all want our kids to have the best education possible. Can augmented reality help with that? Learn more from this infographic!

Posted 3/7/16 at 3:39 PM | Marianne Kurtz

Absolutely No Lying

I taught my boys from the very beginning that they were not allowed to lie. This has been a tricky thing to teach because even if you know they are lying you don't want to call them a liar you really want them to admit it themselves that they are not being honest. As parents we have to remember that we don't want to browbeat our children into admitting that they lied. The goal here is that they have a conscience that will be easily susceptible to the prompting the Holy Ghost.

I have a great story about a time when my youngest lied and it was so small and maybe to any other parent it wouldn't have been a big deal but the Holy Ghost would not let him get away with it.

My boys would always come in on my bed and sit and we would share our days with each other. In the way early years we had "tea time" almost every night (and we still have tea time about once a month) but at this time I would normally call them in to talk. This particular time I used a word that I don't normally use, it wasn't on purpose but the Holy Ghost knew that this lying needed to be taken care of. I said, "come on guys when you're done come sit not he bed and let's chat." I NEVER said that before "let's chat" even when I said it I remember thinking how odd it was for me to say that. Anyway, neither of them answered me and my youngest (Tony) was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and Jacob was in the kitchen but the bathroom was right next to my bedroom. Jacob asked what I said and Tony answered him that he didn't know. I knew that Tony heard me and I asked him to give him a chance to admit that he heard me and was just choosing to be disobedient but he again said he didn't hear me. I didn't want to force him but deep inside I knew he knew...so I then said, "come on guys when you're done come sit on my bed so we can talk." Jacob said, "What?" and Tony answered, "Mom wants us to come and "chat" with her". At this point there was no turning back...I had been up over 24 hours because of church, work and school at the time I was very busy, but now I couldn't let this go it was too obvious that he lied. I asked him why he lied and said he didn't hear me and he insisted he did not lie - after a very long discussion - he finally admitted it. We are talking about 2-3 hours it took to break that off him - he finally broke when I told him that the devil would like to get a foothold in their lives by any means possible and this foothold would be just the beginning of a life of getting away with lies and deceit and that is not the kind of life they want. FULL POST

Posted 3/1/16 at 10:09 AM | Marianne Kurtz

Questioning Your Parenting...?

Every parent, I think, at one time or another questions their parenting at one point or another. And I think that’s healthy to a certain degree. I mean, if you never check yourself than you will never know if you are doing something wrong.

One way is if it makes you happy to spank your children, than you probably need to check yourself. When my boys were wayyyyyy younger, like 2 and 4 when I first starting spanking, because before that I didn’t necessarily think spanking was the right way to go, I was spanking my oldest and I had this actual grieving in my heart. I didn’t always have this. I used to control myself but secretly be thinking “you deserve this” I know that sounds mean but I’m just being honest. Now I didn’t lose control, spanking were administered very soundly.

1. Take them into the other room
2. Explain why they are getting spanked and make sure they understand. When they are young this is very simple, “You must obey Mommy”
3. Spank them with a paddle, I don’t believe in using your hand.
4. Hold them on your lap and rock them, you don’t even have to talk just love on them. This used to confuse me because I thought that this would teach them that doing something wrong would get them this attention but, a very wise woman (Allison – my mentor) explained that as long as I love my kids throughout the day, every day, they would not get confused. AND it worked.
5. Then I give them the words to say to teach them how to apologize. “Mommy, I’m sorry I did not obey you.” And I say, “I forgive you”. FULL POST

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