Relationships

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Posted 12/2/15 at 1:31 PM | Karen Farris

Tebow and Culpo Breakup over Sex

Credit: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic; Mark Sullivan/WireImage

When a sexually abstinent young man and 2012 Miss USA Olivia Culpo connect for a chaste relationship, how long will it last? Not long. Tebow professed his love in the old-fashioned way—writing long love letters and sending special notes. After a couple months, Miss Culpo decided it was enough.

Having just exited a serious relationship with Nick Jonas, Culpo seemed to reject the notion of the "waiting for sex" ideology. Tebow remains adamant that marriage is where sex belongs, but not enjoying the sexual part of their relationship (after two months) wasn’t ideal for her. The rumor mills are grinding out all sorts of half-truths about Tebow and Culpo. But the reality is this: God's truth is always right. It was His idea that sex belonged within the boundaries of marriage.

In a culture that now readily accepts immediate sexual hook-ups, random sexual relationships, and instant gratification, Tim Tebow stands out. If Miss USA rejects his love it just means that God has someone else in mind. Keep looking Tim, she’s waiting too.

Posted 11/30/15 at 11:08 AM | Christian Post Guest Voices

How Do We Manage Expectations About Sex?

Expectations about sex can seriously affect our enjoyment of marriage.

It’s Wednesday, the day when we always talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you all can link up at the bottom with your own marriage posts.

And today I want to share a personal story and then some things I’ve seen on the web that have got me thinking. I’m hoping that we can all have a good discussion about this, because I’m not completely sure what the answer is.

So let me tell you my story for a bit of background.

Before we got married I picked up a Christian book on sex that was written by a guy. It doesn’t matter which one it was; but let’s just say that it made me a nervous wreck. It was all about how to have an orgasm your first time out, and it explained in detail what he was to do (rub this part 213 times, for instance) and what she was to do (basically nothing, just let him touch you in every way imaginable when it’s all brand new), and I just about died. FULL POST

Posted 11/27/15 at 8:22 AM | Veronica Philips

Can I Say It Now?

My Joys
www.veronicaphilips.com
This is My Most Wonderful Time of The Year
Can I say it now? Can I now officially regress to that little girl, whom has a love for all things Milk of Human Kindness....The girl, who decorated the little white tree with red soft lights, and copper ornaments? Can I be the lass, who stood in the doorway, while my namesake was still struggling to awaken itself, and gaze upon the wonders of all the brightly colored packages? Grandma struggling to make her coffee and eagerly anticipating, HERSELF, the opening of the gifts. The very girl who received an Atari 2600 console, hidden behind the television floor console, with the rabbit ears and knobs that only pliers could change......the Ozarkian girl...... CAN I SAY IT NOW?
I don't care. Merry Christmas. Come all ye who are still young at heart and play in my Holiday Wonderland. Come all ye who giggle with giddy elation as the trees go up in Kmart in November. Come all ye, whom look at a blightful soul and offer a blessing for their Daily Bread. Come out, come out, where ever you are, and join me in what is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. I've patiently waited through the Naysayers, I've endured the Bah Humbugs of the Thanksgiving Season, I've read, watched, IGNORED the posts begging we don't shop on the Day of Thanks.....I've done all that out of RESPECT, and NOW I can be has Joyfully Obnoxious as I want.....Frankly, I don't care if you say Happy Holiday's, Merry Christmas, or Go Away, because this isn't about YOU...it's about me...and my RELATIONSHIP with a baby, a manger, a family, and a God....you work out your mess....leave mine alone.

Love it or hate it, Christmas is no apathetic season. It's running in the snow covered streets, getting a second chance at life while realizing what's important....well...that DOES kinda sound like, "It's a Wonderful Life", but it IS a Wonderful Life....Tony Bennett said best, It IS the Freaking Most Wonderful Time of the Year, and by GOLLY I waited......I WAITED to say it, so go pound sand if you don't like it......Merry Christmas Friends. May the Joy, Peace, Magic and Promise of the Season......greet you and yours today and every day we celebrate the birth, the beautiful immaculate birth....in a manger. The first friend that mentions that Jesus was born in the Spring gets to stepping....because I will not....tolerate any harshing of my mellow this season. This is my horse, I'm riding this stud, go troll someone else. Can I say it NOW? Merry Christmas friends.....it's time...to get my Joy On. Be Blessed. Remember you set the Tone, you ARE the Example. BE KIND to each other. Show GRACE and MERCY to all those who cross your path today. With your Daily Affirmations complete, Merry Christmas....enjoy your Friday.

Posted 11/23/15 at 2:20 PM | Sunny Shell

There's Nothing More Loving Than The Gospel

God's timing is always perfect.

Needing to recover from a recent irruption of verbal friendly-fire (Christians assaulting Christians), where I was greatly discouraged for sharing the Gospel with anyone the Lord leads me to (family, friends, neighbors, strangers, etc.), the Lord provided me with abundant comfort and strength through His Word, my darling husband, and oldest son. And as if that weren't enough, my ever gracious Father also provided me more encouragement through soundly biblical and exhorting books*, sermons and articles. One of the articles (below) was shared today, at Ligonier Ministries.

During this recent verbal attack, it was intimated that I was an unloving person because I didn't always seek to first "love" people through acts of service before I "earned the right" to share the Gospel with them. FULL POST

Posted 11/20/15 at 2:16 PM | Brian Wallace

Perils of Online Dating

Online dating is a lot more common these days, so it's important to protect yourself. Learn how to avoid catfishing online from this infographic.

Posted 11/11/15 at 5:29 AM | Daisy Grace

Why Brenda Different to other Womens? Learn About

The following is a story about my friend. She has allowed me to tell her story but asked me to hide her personal details. In that light, she will be known as Brenda from London. Brenda is 38 years old and she well knows the agony brought about by lack of sex drive. According to Brenda, she spent most of her teen years and early twenties wondering why she is so different from other women.

She always wondered she lacked interest in sex. Brenda confessed to me that when she was young, she had no interest in sex. She could even watch to hours of porn videos and they would have no effect on her. The thing is, like most other girls who suffer in silence, Brenda was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

She never had any relationship until she was 20. Mark you Brenda is a beautiful and sexy woman. She has the shape that would get any man drooling and believe it or not, she turns heads everywhere she goes. She met her boyfriend in the university and she didn't consider it as a huge success since she didn't feel much excitement nor any sexual responsiveness. As fate would have it, her boyfriend wasn't really interested in understanding her situation. FULL POST

Posted 11/10/15 at 2:21 AM | Claire John

How to Promote Sexual Drive in Women?

When it comes to sex, it is without doubt that the woman plays the major role. Well, this is debatable if you have never tried having sex with a woman who has zero interest in the sex. All in all, I am trying to say that when a woman loses interest in coitus, it affects both her and her partner and this can be catastrophic to both the relationship and the moment.

How to Promote Sexual Drive in Women?
shutterstock.com

There's no doubt that the lack of sexual drive is causing depression and a whole host of headaches, pains and other seemingly unconnected physical complications. Good sex has been deemed a part of general well-being for most people, all people even. If you do some digging in the records of most marriage counselors, you might be shocked to find that loss of sexual desire is the beginning of most domestic wrangles and eventual relationship breakdowns that are bringing a growing stream of couples to its door. FULL POST

Posted 11/5/15 at 11:54 AM | Bethany Christian Services

Podcast: Debra Fileta, True Love Dates

Debra Fileta is convinced that a developed sense of identity is key to forming healthy dating and marriage relationships. “If you don’t know who you are,” she said, “you won’t know the kind of person who will fit into your life and story.”

Fileta is a licensed professional counselor who has walked with couples through strained marriages that were headed for divorce. Through her practice, she found a common thread—many people enter into this union unprepared, and the marriage relationship seems to magnify each partner’s unresolved identity issues.

She wrote True Love Dates to help people address identity issues so they can maintain strong, healthy relationships throughout their lives.

Although her target audience was singles in their 20s and 30s, she has found the principles to be helpful for people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s who have experienced marriage and divorce. She also recommends the book to parents of young teens.

“Parents will read about dating concepts and principles, but they’ll find it useful for helping their children understand their identity before they’re even to an age of dating,” she said, “particularly how a child’s family of origin and adoptive family influence identity. Parents who understand these issues can help their sons and daughters prepare for a lifelong, covenant marriage.” FULL POST

Posted 10/29/15 at 4:42 PM | Karen Farris

Dear Selfie Girl

You’re young enough to be my granddaughter, which makes me old enough for you to consider me an old lady. But I care more about you than hundreds of your Facebook “friends”.

Your countless selfies have plenty of sex appeal, and I noticed the hotter the picture the more likes you get. Even though we’re “friends” I haven’t liked many of your pictures, but not for the reasons you think.

Yes, you’re young, beautiful and fifty likes may make you feel good. But I’d rather “like” the person you really are.

Has anyone ever thanked you for helping some of the other kids with their schoolwork? That’s generous of you.

Or have any of your friends noticed how well you write?

Did anyone else notice how you helped the shy little boy at your bus stop? FULL POST

Posted 10/29/15 at 3:19 PM | Audra Jennings

Two Friends Share What Friendship Looks Like in the Midst of Suffering

An interview with Jill Lynn Buteyn,

Co-author of Just Show Up: the Dance of Walking Through Suffering Together

Kara Tippetts and Jill Buteyn, authors of Just Show Up
Kara Tippetts and Jill Buteyn

While your heart might be in the right place, it is not unusual to feel uncomfortable or insecure when you’re around loved ones who are in the midst of a trial. The temptation to back away can be strong; after all, couldn’t they use some space? You don’t want to be a burden. Is that ever the right choice though? Is there something both of you can gain from friendship in the midst of suffering?

Bestselling author Kara Tippetts and Jill Lynn Buteyn answer those questions in the new book Just Show Up: the Dance of Walking Through Suffering Together (David C Cook/ October 1, 2015/ISBN: 978-1434709530/$15.99). With grace and practical advice, the friends wrote about what relationships look like in the midst of changing life seasons, loads of laundry and even Tippetts’ battle with cancer, which she tragically lost on March 22, 2015.

Q: You wrote Just Show Up with your late friend Kara Tippetts. Can you tell us about Kara and the circumstances that led you to write this book together?

Kara Tippetts was a grace-filled mother and pastor’s wife who was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 36. While fighting cancer, she shared her story with thousands of readers on her blog, Mundane Faithfulness. She also wrote the book The Hardest Peace about her journey and co-authored Just Show Up with me before passing away at the age of 38.

While Kara was blogging, I was writing fiction. We often talked about collaborating on a book. We settled on the subject of walking through suffering together because we could write from both of our perspectives. I learned a lot from watching Kara’s community rally around her, from seeing her friends in action. Of course, as the one suffering, Kara had firsthand knowledge of what works well and what doesn’t. We both hoped the book would take some of the mystery out of showing up for each other and allow people to engage more confidently in community, even during really hard times.

Q: How and when did you learn about Kara’s cancer diagnosis? Did it change your relationship with her?

I actually heard about Kara’s diagnosis when she posted about it on her personal Facebook page. We were friends through school and church, but as I say in the book, our friendship developed more after her diagnosis. She had only been in Colorado for six months at the time. I do remember thinking about our friendship. Where did I fit in all of this? Was I “in”? I decided the answer was yes. I wasn’t going to shy away from Kara because things could get scary or hard. I told her later that choosing her was a conscious choice for me.

Q: Do you think it’s easier to be someone’s friend when times are good?

Certainly there’s a simplicity to friendship when things are good, but at the same time, when is “good”? We all have hard times, and we’re often dealing with tough stuff in different areas of life at the same time. But there’s also beauty that comes in doing the really hard stuff together. When I look back on my time with Kara, on the way she let me and so many others in when she was suffering so much, I see a lot of tears, prayers and pain, but I also see grace and even peace. I see really great friendships formed in a short amount of time. It was beautiful to walk with her, even though it hurt so much. It still hurts. But I would choose her all over again.

Q: You write in Just Show Up that being there for a friend can be as simple as literally just showing up. Why is presence so important during suffering?

Presence is so important in suffering because sometimes that’s really all we have to offer. We don’t have the right words, or there isn’t anything we can do to help. Sometimes it is just about being there. There’s peace and support in being with each other — from both sides. Often it was a comfort for us to be with Kara, even if she was sleeping, and I think she felt that same thing. One time I sat at the hospital with her while she slept. I brought my laptop and just wrote, sitting in the chair. I remember wanting to have something to do so she would feel free to sleep and rest. She opened her eyes and said something about how it gave her comfort that I was there. I could have easily second-guessed offering to sit with her — it wasn’t really necessary. But just being present with each other meant something to both of us.

Q: You talk about learning to be “comfortable with your uncomfortable.” Can you share a story from your friendship with Kara that illustrates what you mean by that?

Kara never expected us to have answers for the hard she was being asked to walk. I could say, “I don’t know what to say,” and that was enough for her. Or, “I’m so sorry. I hate this for you.” She accepted things like that. She was dying, and even though our hearts were breaking, we still wanted to be with her. We craved time with her.

Q: Could you offer some advice for others on how to move past moments of awkwardness?

Pray, then step out in faith. God will meet you there. Be honest. You could even say to a friend, “I want to help. I don’t want to be the person who disappears because this is awkward or uncomfortable. How can I be there for you? Will you help me by telling me if I’m doing something offensive or don’t have a clue?” I think friendships can grow from this kind of honesty.

Q: Sometimes it’s easy to struggle with self-doubt and wonder if your efforts to help will be a nuisance. How did you work through some of those concerns?

I prayed a lot about decisions regarding how to help. I also had a few friends I could hash out my doubts with who were willing to process with me. Sometimes we just need someone to speak truth into our doubts. And at times, I did things and still didn’t know after if they were a help. Sometimes it’s just about doing. We may never know exactly how our help impacted someone else for the better.

Just Show Up by Kara Tippetts and Jill Buteyn
David C Cook

Q: When offering help to someone, why is it important to be very specific about how you would like to help them?

It’s far easier for people to accept help when we offer something specific. I used to say to people, “Let me know if you need anything.” And I meant it. But rarely, if ever, did anyone ask me for anything or admit what might help them. However, when I offer a specific, “Hey, I’m at the store, can I pick anything up for you?” or, “I’d love to come by and do a couple loads of laundry this week. What day works?” it easier for the suffering people to decide if and when they need that specific help or how they can tweak it to meet their needs.

The other bonus to offering a specific help is that it gives us the freedom to serve within our gifting. If I’m a kid person, and someone asks me to paint their guest room, that probably won’t bring me the same joy as watching kids. We can find so much joy in helping others, and I think part of that is in doing the things we’re gifted in — not that we don’t ever step beyond that. It’s just a good place to start. I love what I learned about being specific in helping others. It was a light-bulb moment for me. It just makes sense, and yet, I’d never really thought about it before. It’s important because it makes things easier and more comfortable for both sides and takes away the guess work.

Q: What are some words we can use to offer comfort? Are there any words that can hurt more than help?

I don’t think there are perfect words. I guess that’s why showing up for others can be confusing and scary. But maybe recognizing this — that there isn’t anything perfect to be done or said — will make it easier for people to dive in with each other. Say things that are comforting, listening phrases. “I’m so sorry. That’s hard.” Comforting is also about what not to say. Don’t try to solve your friend. Listen and love them in their hard.

Q: How did you see God and his love expressed in your friendship with Kara?

When I think about how she let us in during really hard stuff: while she was dying. In pain. Broken. I’m amazed. She gave and gave. She loved so big. I don’t even know how to explain it. God’s presence was felt by so many. It was really beautiful even though it’s still hard.

Q: What do you think holds people back from pursuing deep connections with others even during the good times?

Hurt. We’re all a bunch of sinners, and relationships can be scary. We do stupid things and say stupid things, even in good times. I know I have regrets in this area. Plus, relationships are hard work. It’s hard to open yourself up to others, to let people in to the not-so-great sides of ourselves.

Q: When you and Kara wrote about “big love,” what did you mean?

Loving more, bigger than you thought possible. Opening yourself up to community. Loving beyond your limits. Kara didn’t find a few friends and then stop letting others in. She kept opening herself up to more people. Even online, she shared so much of herself and impacted many lives.

Q: Even though Kara knew she was dying, why was it important for her to finish Just Show Up with you?

Kara fostered community in everything she did. And even though she had to accept a lot of help from others, she also gave. This was a way she could give: by taking some of the unknown out of showing up and being in community with one another. Plus, she was just Kara. Stubborn and wonderful and wanting to squeeze every minute out of life.

Q: Kara’s blog, Mundane Faithfulness, had a large following of faithful readers that followed her through her cancer journey. What were the main messages Kara always tried to impart to her readers?

Kindness, kindness, kindness. And loving big.

Q: So many readers fell in love with Kara and her family through her blog and book The Hardest Peace. Can you tell us how the Tippetts family is doing since her passing in March?

I think only the Tippetts can really answer how they are doing. I would suggest following the Mundane Faithfulness blog. Jason has been gracious to share updates there about how he and the kids are doing.

For more information about Jill Lynn Buteyn and Just Show Up at www.jill-lynn.com and on Facebook (JillLynnAuthor), Pinterest (JillLynnAuthor), Instagram (JillLynnAuthor) and Twitter (@JillLynnAuthor).

Learn more about the life of Kara Tippetts at www.mundanefaithfulness.com or follow the site on Facebook (mundanefaithfulness).

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