Posted 11/11/15 at 5:29 AM | Daisy Grace
The following is a story about my friend. She has allowed me to tell her story but asked me to hide her personal details. In that light, she will be known as Brenda from London. Brenda is 38 years old and she well knows the agony brought about by lack of sex drive. According to Brenda, she spent most of her teen years and early twenties wondering why she is so different from other women.
She always wondered she lacked interest in sex. Brenda confessed to me that when she was young, she had no interest in sex. She could even watch to hours of porn videos and they would have no effect on her. The thing is, like most other girls who suffer in silence, Brenda was too embarrassed to tell anyone.
She never had any relationship until she was 20. Mark you Brenda is a beautiful and sexy woman. She has the shape that would get any man drooling and believe it or not, she turns heads everywhere she goes. She met her boyfriend in the university and she didn't consider it as a huge success since she didn't feel much excitement nor any sexual responsiveness. As fate would have it, her boyfriend wasn't really interested in understanding her situation. FULL POST
Posted 11/10/15 at 2:21 AM | Claire John
When it comes to sex, it is without doubt that the woman plays the major role. Well, this is debatable if you have never tried having sex with a woman who has zero interest in the sex. All in all, I am trying to say that when a woman loses interest in coitus, it affects both her and her partner and this can be catastrophic to both the relationship and the moment.
There's no doubt that the lack of sexual drive is causing depression and a whole host of headaches, pains and other seemingly unconnected physical complications. Good sex has been deemed a part of general well-being for most people, all people even. If you do some digging in the records of most marriage counselors, you might be shocked to find that loss of sexual desire is the beginning of most domestic wrangles and eventual relationship breakdowns that are bringing a growing stream of couples to its door. FULL POST
Posted 11/5/15 at 11:54 AM | Bethany Christian Services
Debra Fileta is convinced that a developed sense of identity is key to forming healthy dating and marriage relationships. “If you don’t know who you are,” she said, “you won’t know the kind of person who will fit into your life and story.”
Fileta is a licensed professional counselor who has walked with couples through strained marriages that were headed for divorce. Through her practice, she found a common thread—many people enter into this union unprepared, and the marriage relationship seems to magnify each partner’s unresolved identity issues.
She wrote True Love Dates to help people address identity issues so they can maintain strong, healthy relationships throughout their lives.
Although her target audience was singles in their 20s and 30s, she has found the principles to be helpful for people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s who have experienced marriage and divorce. She also recommends the book to parents of young teens.
“Parents will read about dating concepts and principles, but they’ll find it useful for helping their children understand their identity before they’re even to an age of dating,” she said, “particularly how a child’s family of origin and adoptive family influence identity. Parents who understand these issues can help their sons and daughters prepare for a lifelong, covenant marriage.” FULL POST
Posted 10/29/15 at 4:42 PM | Karen Kramer
You’re young enough to be my granddaughter, which makes me old enough for you to consider me an old lady. But I care more about you than hundreds of your Facebook “friends”.
Your countless selfies have plenty of sex appeal, and I noticed the hotter the picture the more likes you get. Even though we’re “friends” I haven’t liked many of your pictures, but not for the reasons you think.
Yes, you’re young, beautiful and fifty likes may make you feel good. But I’d rather “like” the person you really are.
Has anyone ever thanked you for helping some of the other kids with their schoolwork? That’s generous of you.
Or have any of your friends noticed how well you write?
Did anyone else notice how you helped the shy little boy at your bus stop? FULL POST
Posted 10/29/15 at 3:19 PM | Audra Jennings
An interview with Jill Lynn Buteyn,
While your heart might be in the right place, it is not unusual to feel uncomfortable or insecure when you’re around loved ones who are in the midst of a trial. The temptation to back away can be strong; after all, couldn’t they use some space? You don’t want to be a burden. Is that ever the right choice though? Is there something both of you can gain from friendship in the midst of suffering?
Bestselling author Kara Tippetts and Jill Lynn Buteyn answer those questions in the new book Just Show Up: the Dance of Walking Through Suffering Together (David C Cook/ October 1, 2015/ISBN: 978-1434709530/$15.99). With grace and practical advice, the friends wrote about what relationships look like in the midst of changing life seasons, loads of laundry and even Tippetts’ battle with cancer, which she tragically lost on March 22, 2015.
Kara Tippetts was a grace-filled mother and pastor’s wife who was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 36. While fighting cancer, she shared her story with thousands of readers on her blog, Mundane Faithfulness. She also wrote the book The Hardest Peace about her journey and co-authored Just Show Up with me before passing away at the age of 38.
While Kara was blogging, I was writing fiction. We often talked about collaborating on a book. We settled on the subject of walking through suffering together because we could write from both of our perspectives. I learned a lot from watching Kara’s community rally around her, from seeing her friends in action. Of course, as the one suffering, Kara had firsthand knowledge of what works well and what doesn’t. We both hoped the book would take some of the mystery out of showing up for each other and allow people to engage more confidently in community, even during really hard times.
Q: How and when did you learn about Kara’s cancer diagnosis? Did it change your relationship with her?
I actually heard about Kara’s diagnosis when she posted about it on her personal Facebook page. We were friends through school and church, but as I say in the book, our friendship developed more after her diagnosis. She had only been in Colorado for six months at the time. I do remember thinking about our friendship. Where did I fit in all of this? Was I “in”? I decided the answer was yes. I wasn’t going to shy away from Kara because things could get scary or hard. I told her later that choosing her was a conscious choice for me.
Q: Do you think it’s easier to be someone’s friend when times are good?
Certainly there’s a simplicity to friendship when things are good, but at the same time, when is “good”? We all have hard times, and we’re often dealing with tough stuff in different areas of life at the same time. But there’s also beauty that comes in doing the really hard stuff together. When I look back on my time with Kara, on the way she let me and so many others in when she was suffering so much, I see a lot of tears, prayers and pain, but I also see grace and even peace. I see really great friendships formed in a short amount of time. It was beautiful to walk with her, even though it hurt so much. It still hurts. But I would choose her all over again.
Q: You write in Just Show Up that being there for a friend can be as simple as literally just showing up. Why is presence so important during suffering?
Presence is so important in suffering because sometimes that’s really all we have to offer. We don’t have the right words, or there isn’t anything we can do to help. Sometimes it is just about being there. There’s peace and support in being with each other — from both sides. Often it was a comfort for us to be with Kara, even if she was sleeping, and I think she felt that same thing. One time I sat at the hospital with her while she slept. I brought my laptop and just wrote, sitting in the chair. I remember wanting to have something to do so she would feel free to sleep and rest. She opened her eyes and said something about how it gave her comfort that I was there. I could have easily second-guessed offering to sit with her — it wasn’t really necessary. But just being present with each other meant something to both of us.
Q: You talk about learning to be “comfortable with your uncomfortable.” Can you share a story from your friendship with Kara that illustrates what you mean by that?
Kara never expected us to have answers for the hard she was being asked to walk. I could say, “I don’t know what to say,” and that was enough for her. Or, “I’m so sorry. I hate this for you.” She accepted things like that. She was dying, and even though our hearts were breaking, we still wanted to be with her. We craved time with her.
Q: Could you offer some advice for others on how to move past moments of awkwardness?
Pray, then step out in faith. God will meet you there. Be honest. You could even say to a friend, “I want to help. I don’t want to be the person who disappears because this is awkward or uncomfortable. How can I be there for you? Will you help me by telling me if I’m doing something offensive or don’t have a clue?” I think friendships can grow from this kind of honesty.
Q: Sometimes it’s easy to struggle with self-doubt and wonder if your efforts to help will be a nuisance. How did you work through some of those concerns?
I prayed a lot about decisions regarding how to help. I also had a few friends I could hash out my doubts with who were willing to process with me. Sometimes we just need someone to speak truth into our doubts. And at times, I did things and still didn’t know after if they were a help. Sometimes it’s just about doing. We may never know exactly how our help impacted someone else for the better.
Q: When offering help to someone, why is it important to be very specific about how you would like to help them?
It’s far easier for people to accept help when we offer something specific. I used to say to people, “Let me know if you need anything.” And I meant it. But rarely, if ever, did anyone ask me for anything or admit what might help them. However, when I offer a specific, “Hey, I’m at the store, can I pick anything up for you?” or, “I’d love to come by and do a couple loads of laundry this week. What day works?” it easier for the suffering people to decide if and when they need that specific help or how they can tweak it to meet their needs.
The other bonus to offering a specific help is that it gives us the freedom to serve within our gifting. If I’m a kid person, and someone asks me to paint their guest room, that probably won’t bring me the same joy as watching kids. We can find so much joy in helping others, and I think part of that is in doing the things we’re gifted in — not that we don’t ever step beyond that. It’s just a good place to start. I love what I learned about being specific in helping others. It was a light-bulb moment for me. It just makes sense, and yet, I’d never really thought about it before. It’s important because it makes things easier and more comfortable for both sides and takes away the guess work.
Q: What are some words we can use to offer comfort? Are there any words that can hurt more than help?
I don’t think there are perfect words. I guess that’s why showing up for others can be confusing and scary. But maybe recognizing this — that there isn’t anything perfect to be done or said — will make it easier for people to dive in with each other. Say things that are comforting, listening phrases. “I’m so sorry. That’s hard.” Comforting is also about what not to say. Don’t try to solve your friend. Listen and love them in their hard.
Q: How did you see God and his love expressed in your friendship with Kara?
When I think about how she let us in during really hard stuff: while she was dying. In pain. Broken. I’m amazed. She gave and gave. She loved so big. I don’t even know how to explain it. God’s presence was felt by so many. It was really beautiful even though it’s still hard.
Q: What do you think holds people back from pursuing deep connections with others even during the good times?
Hurt. We’re all a bunch of sinners, and relationships can be scary. We do stupid things and say stupid things, even in good times. I know I have regrets in this area. Plus, relationships are hard work. It’s hard to open yourself up to others, to let people in to the not-so-great sides of ourselves.
Q: When you and Kara wrote about “big love,” what did you mean?
Loving more, bigger than you thought possible. Opening yourself up to community. Loving beyond your limits. Kara didn’t find a few friends and then stop letting others in. She kept opening herself up to more people. Even online, she shared so much of herself and impacted many lives.
Q: Even though Kara knew she was dying, why was it important for her to finish Just Show Up with you?
Kara fostered community in everything she did. And even though she had to accept a lot of help from others, she also gave. This was a way she could give: by taking some of the unknown out of showing up and being in community with one another. Plus, she was just Kara. Stubborn and wonderful and wanting to squeeze every minute out of life.
Q: Kara’s blog, Mundane Faithfulness, had a large following of faithful readers that followed her through her cancer journey. What were the main messages Kara always tried to impart to her readers?
Kindness, kindness, kindness. And loving big.
Q: So many readers fell in love with Kara and her family through her blog and book The Hardest Peace. Can you tell us how the Tippetts family is doing since her passing in March?
I think only the Tippetts can really answer how they are doing. I would suggest following the Mundane Faithfulness blog. Jason has been gracious to share updates there about how he and the kids are doing.
For more information about Jill Lynn Buteyn and Just Show Up at www.jill-lynn.com and on Facebook (JillLynnAuthor), Pinterest (JillLynnAuthor), Instagram (JillLynnAuthor) and Twitter (@JillLynnAuthor).
Posted 10/20/15 at 5:24 AM | Daisy Grace
This is a story that I never thought I will ever tell. It is very embarrassing but since I am over it, I will tell it. About 3 years ago, I was having bad times when it comes to landing girls. I was very busy with my internship that I lacked time to hit on girls or visit a brothel. I had gone for over three months without getting laid and then I landed a girl from my former school and we started dating...
We started having sex about 3 weeks after the happy reunion. The first time I had sex with her, I lasted for like 40 minutes and I was going all hard and fast for majority of the time. I considered 40 minutes quite satisfactory and she too liked it because she scheduled another session in a more 'romantic environment', I was hitting her in a guest house since we were miles away from home.
Since that first time, anytime we had sex I could only last like 15 minutes tops. And this is when I took it slowly and taking breaks sometimes even a minute. We had sex 7 times or so since the first time and it was always short and slow. She had confessed that she loves it hard and fast and as soon as she started going crazy I would have to slow way down else I would ejaculate. She was starting to get worried since every time I would come up with an excuse which we would correct the next time we had sex. FULL POST
Posted 10/11/15 at 1:49 PM | Veronica Philips
Posted 10/8/15 at 10:27 PM | Karen Kramer
Dressed haphazardly and sitting on a tall suitcase, she looked homeless, so I avoided her—missing the chance to meet a woman with an inspiring message. That’s a story for another time….but it reminded me of a lesson I should have learned long ago.
Mom liked exposing me to people, places, and activities that would broaden my teenage mind. In her view, I had no right to an opinion that wasn’t backed by a written expert (she was a librarian, after all).
This was a woman who built her own log cabin—by first reading a book of course.
At the time, I didn’t share her love of books, so she made sure I visited museums and watched documentaries, but it was her unusual adventures I remember most….like meeting Jake on the bookmobile.
As the library bookmobile traveled along the remotest parts of the Olympic Peninsula, the oddest assortment of people emerged from the woods, but Mom seemed to really know them. She asked about their family situations with genuine interest. It was like these woods people were actual friends. FULL POST
Posted 10/8/15 at 9:21 AM | Christian Post Guest Voices
“Do not be unequally yoked…” 2 Corinthians 6:14 (a reference to Deuteronomy 22:10 where Israel is told not to plow with a team composed of an ox and a donkey).
We all agree that Scripture teaches believers should not marry unbelievers.
But, would it be an unequal yoke for one called into the ministry to be wed to a Christian who resents his calling and resists the demands that this life places on her?
Surely we can agree that not everyone should marry a preacher.
(The obligatory disclaimer: In our denomination, preachers are men. I know some women pastors in other denominations and respect them very much. But I know nothing of the pressures they face. Thus, for me to write for their situation would be highly presumptuous. Please do not write accusing me of sexism or prejudice against women. Thank you.)
When I began this list a few days ago, mostly I intended it as a light-hearted piece since I’m a preacher and love pastors and their families. Any woman who marries a called servant of the Lord should feel special to Him, I’m thinking, and she needs to know what she’s getting into. And then, I decided to ask for help. FULL POST
Posted 10/4/15 at 9:54 AM | Veronica Philips
As I sit on the couch, with a mug of coffee, I look out my North facing Bay window, and see with excitement that The Harvest has begun. I don't know why I like watching it. Maybe it's the window. When Old Man Winter finally arrives, I can watch him with anticipation as he sweeps down the plains of the Midwest, and right into my front door.....I only like Winter to the 1st storm, then I'm over it, but the Fall...The Harvest, the Reaping of the Spring Labor ... is Spiritual to me. It reminds me of Kingdom Key to Life #7. You will ALWAYS reap in the Harvest, what you sow in the Spring.
The month of October is special for me because 27 years ago I met the person who'd forever teach me the Key. I harshly learned to guard the heart entrusted to me, as purposely as I'd want my heart guarded. After the combines have completed their work, the Sower will look to the next season, by preparing the fields, for another crop. Our life is no different. We must constantly prepare for another season. What would have happened had I told that young man, "No" after he asked out? Well, I may not have learned to be kind to others.....for a broken heart is a painful lesson, and one we're not too likely to repeat. It devastates me to know that I was responsible for that pain in others.....sigh....age is a true measure of wisdom. I'm old ;) FULL POST